Center of the Universe

Setting: Breakfast table. Early, early morning.

Peanut: I don’t want rice milk on my cereal.
Mom: okay.
she busies herself getting everyone’s breakfast ready. Sliced kiwi and dry cereal for Peanut, pumpkin and plums for baby, coconut granola for herself. Begins to pour rice milk on her own cereal…
P: [screaming] I said I don’t want milk on mine!
M: P, this isn’t yours. Yours is just the way you wanted it. This is my breakfast.
P: Oh. I thought you were ruining my cereal.
M: Not everything is about you. [wondering when she started reciting the Mother Soundtrack] You know, the Earth revolves around the Sun, not around you.
P: Um, no. The Earth revolves around the World. You can ask me next time. I know everything.

So this is parenting a teenager? One part wanting to tape it shut, one part stifling your laughter at how painfully clueless they are?

18 thoughts on “Center of the Universe

  1. Admirable restraint, once again. That screaming would have been an instant timeout in my fiefdom. I can’t take screaming first thing in the morning. Not without two or three cups of coffee and the promise of daycare.

  2. @Fie the shrieking out of proportion to the situation kills me. He still hasn’t learned that you can state your case calmly and win almost every time in our family.
    @Macondo, you’re right. The cluelessness and shrieking will be later in the day with a teenager. Sounds like a good deal since he’ll be screaming about more than cereal, and will be considerably more surly as a general rule

  3. I can’t help but to think of “Bullets over Broadway” where Dianne Wiest is shushing John Cusack. As a general rule, I try to discourage any discourse between children and adults in my home. Makes for a happier atmosphere all around.

  4. Peanut is really working you, girl. I would whip out a book on the planets and have him try to explain how his theory works. That should make for interesting blog fodder, if you should ever run out. I am thinking there is no chance of that, as long as Peanut is around ;)!

  5. Teen life………..
    Such a difficult time, for many reasons.

    Not knowing if they want to be hugged or stand on their own.
    Next thing you know it they are graduating and dont need you anymore.
    Do they?

    New here

  6. My goodness! I’m hear to say, it never, ever ends! The best thing to do is what you already do — enjoy it for what it is, document it (because it will bring giggles and more giggles later on down the road) and laugh now. Because really? What else is there to do?

  7. Oh my! He would fit in so very well at my house! Right down to the Earth around the World logic – only my 6 year old would tell him how it really is and then there would be yelling and fighting. Yep, he’d fit in just fine.

  8. Oh, Peanut, how incredibly insightful you are. Nap, you might want to start looking for boarding schools for high school. You might need a break by then.

  9. :-)

    One of my favorite lines to my high maintenance child, “Well, I know you want [something that he wanted to happen but didn’t]. And I want to be Queen of the World.”

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