Center of the Universe

Setting: Breakfast table. Early, early morning.

Peanut: I don’t want rice milk on my cereal.
Mom: okay.
she busies herself getting everyone’s breakfast ready. Sliced kiwi and dry cereal for Peanut, pumpkin and plums for baby, coconut granola for herself. Begins to pour rice milk on her own cereal…
P: [screaming] I said I don’t want milk on mine!
M: P, this isn’t yours. Yours is just the way you wanted it. This is my breakfast.
P: Oh. I thought you were ruining my cereal.
M: Not everything is about you. [wondering when she started reciting the Mother Soundtrack] You know, the Earth revolves around the Sun, not around you.
P: Um, no. The Earth revolves around the World. You can ask me next time. I know everything.

So this is parenting a teenager? One part wanting to tape it shut, one part stifling your laughter at how painfully clueless they are?