Where does he get this?

If any of you are responsible for the following, please let me know. You’re not in trouble. I just have no idea from whence sprang these delightful additions to his four-year-old repertoire:

“Mama, want to see my new axe?”
“You have an axe?”
“Yeah! Come on!” He takes me to the living room where he upends his scooter, spins the front wheel and holds a one-inch plastic firefighter hatchet to it.
“I just need to sharpen it so I can you.”

In the middle of a conversation, he checked his naked wrist and said, “If you’ll excuse me I have to catch a bus.”

He has proclaimed that we need to play “Safety!” From what I have gathered from days of changing rules, safety means we need to rescue something. From imminent danger. Often by squirting pretend poison on it. Maybe it should be called “Safety: as seen from the quarterback’s perspective”?

I’m pretty sure the preschool isn’t modeling axe sharpening. Squirting poison to save something is not in any of our books. And I genuinely can’t remember the last time I excused myself from a conversation to catch a bus.

Where is this kid getting this stuff? I don’t even have tv as an excuse. His British accent is from Kipper. His Southern accent is from a trip to his great aunt’s. But wtf is up with the grinding stone, poison-based rescue, and interrupting bus schedule?

9 thoughts on “Where does he get this?

  1. My 4 year old does similar…pulling the most adult phrases and ideas from god knows where! I have to say, it is the most entertaining and endearing aspect of his otherwise crazy self, often moving the normally highly strung, irritated me to glistening eyes.

  2. That is some crazy sh*t! I love it when they try out new phrases, all too often with impeccable timing but totally wrong situations…I laughed aloud when I pictured him checking out his watch to see if he was running late to catch his bus! Goodness, woman, do you ever do anything other than laugh at his musings?

  3. I went to a potluck for eldest’s class tonight, and the teacher was going on and on about one of the other kids pretending that he was in jail and that he was hiding out from the cops. This is eldest’s favorite kid in the class. When the teacher mentioned this obsession with jail and hiding from the cops, the dad said, “Yeah, he probably gets that from home.” I had no idea what to make of that. I did hastily console myself with the idea that if the dad were under house arrest, then he surely wouldn’t have been allowed to come to the pitch-in at the park. Right? Right? Uhm… I was GOING to have a play date with them, but I’m not so sure now…

    Meanwhile, in my fiefdom, eldest was going around repeating what daddy said earlier: “What the hell is this?” Nice. What an impression!

  4. I’m with you on this one. I’m not quite sure whether my kids are insane or normal. The madness that comes from their mouths while wearing completely serious faces simply blows my mind.

  5. My youngest caught the British accent too from Kipper!

    I am guessing from one of those shows where they teach you life skills, such as sharpening a hatchet? What? That’s not one of the life skills?

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