How is the child abuse rate in this country not higher?
(Seriously, no depressing replies from my social worker friends and family or law enforcement readers on how desperately high even a 0.00000001% rate is. I know that. But the question does not value a higher rate. It marvels at the <100% rate.)
Why can I not watch a film, show, or commercial without composing a critical theory response that involves footnotes and dreams of a research grant? What the hell is wrong with me? Am I missing enjoyment centers in my brain or something?
Where is that box of books I labeled to be first on the shelf after the three moves of a year-plus ago? I need two of those books, man. Where are they?
How does, "you may cut paper and only paper" translate into "try to cut your shirt, the rug, your chin, a bracelet, and the baby toys while I’m right here watching“? Seriously. Taking the whole ‘looking for negative attention’ thing to a whole new level.
No wonder I’m pissed I have absolutely no time to write…the voices in my head are better companions than small children. Why does nobody say how completely not ideal the companionship of young children is?
NaptimeWriting 
How does, “you may cut paper and only paper” translate into “try to cut your shirt, the rug, your chin, a bracelet, and the baby toys while I’m right here watching“?
If you figure THAT out, you can bottle it and make a friggin’ fortune. Or, better yet, write a series of books about it, make a friggin’ fortune, and go on Charlie Rose to talk about your books.
Oh, and HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS, dear friend and awesome motherwoman. Hang in there.
Thanks, Ink.
You know who deserves the fortune? The safety scissors people. Couldn’t cut a damned thing, thank goodness. But still…the audacity and awesome scientist impulses look a lot like a crazy mama.
Eldest has taken to getting a step stool and climbing up on the counter to get the kitchen sheers down from their high-up hiding place so that he can try to cut his own hair. Jesus effin Christ, kid. I will take you to a salon! Seriously.
I, too, have trouble enjoying anything without wanting to write about it, turn it into a project, or do some kind of research on it. And I don’t know how to turn it off either. I think that lack of sleep and lack of time (kids!!) are the only things holding me back from being a project machine.
Feeling your pain all over the place! Child abuse? Seriously. Kid companions? Not only not ideal, but often also sticky, loud and/or smelly. None of that is fun to deal with. I don’t know how anyone does it without an addiction problem.
P.S. – Totally off topic, but I see that you have David Foster Wallace as a tag on your tag list. Did you see the independent film version of Brief Interviews with Hideous Men? I just watched it the other day, and I gotta say, I love what John Krasinski did with the book. All my favorite parts were there, and I like how the researcher ended up being the thread holding it all together. The movie is available on Netflix. (Like you’ve got time to watch it, but I figured I’d give it a thumbs up for you in case you ever DO get a chance in the next five years to watch something worthwhile.) In the unlikely event that you find time, let me know what you think. ;0)
It took having kids for me to understand how child abuse happens. It also took having kids for me to understand why people don’t have them. I used to be so judgy.
I have often wondered about the child abuse thing, too. Or neglect, even. All it takes is a really strong, overwhelming desire to go to the bathroom by yourself, and you’re already borderline.
You think about everything. And in a meaningful, smart way. And that’s why you are so insightful.
Because if someone shared that golden nugget of wisdom (that children are not always ideal company), the human race would have been extinct EONS ago…
Just saying…
Fie, thank you so much for the Brief Interviews update. I’m a hardcore DFW fan (two academic journal pieces almost ready for sumission) and knew the Krasinski film debuted to horrible reviews, but didn’t know it was netflixable. Thanks! And sorry about the self haircuts, Our fair reader jc says baby books should have a page to document self cuts and amateur pet cuts.
Tara, I’m still judgy but now try to just judge those with lots of money or those drunk before 5am. Everything else is fair game.
Macondo, you’re so right. I feel awful for the desire to solo pee. Thankfully I resist and use the sling.
Organic you know you’re afraid at how dang bipolar I’m getting. But thanks for hanging in…
Ain’t it the truth, Maria. Ain’t it the truth.
Why the fuck are scissors so fascinating? I just don’t get it. Both girls are obsessed with them.
I love you for many reasons. One of them being the willingness to admit that the companionship of children is *so* not ideal.
…or how about how does “cut only paper translate into” cutting the strings of every single blind in the house so that we can no longer raise them to let sunshine in?
Yep. That happened over here.
TKW, let’s let them loose with scissors and glitter glue and see what they can do to our enemies’ houses.
Oh, Jane. That’s terribly not funny. Trying so hard not to laugh at how not funny that is. Seriously awful and not at all funny. (giggle) Must be expensive to fix that kind of not listening.
Crap. That means it gets even worse. (sigh)
spankings all around!
You slay me with your brutal honesty. Somehow when you said it, it just sounds a lot funnier. You’ve got the knack m’lady.
“Why can I not watch a film, show, or commercial without composing a critical theory response that involves footnotes and dreams of a research grant? What the hell is wrong with me? Am I missing enjoyment centers in my brain or something?”
Nothing is wrong with you. You are born to be a Ph.D. candidate, at least in spirits and spunk.
Oh, and Maria is very wise. tru dat!
I like bipolar. At least on you. You make every rant sparkle.
I’m all about the voices in my head. Of course, my voices speak to me because I buy them off of iTunes and inject them directly into my brain via ear buds anytime my kids piss me off.
Let’s just say that my audiobook library is extensive.
Dude. I am so there. Well, except the critical theory thing. Ok, only on children’s programing.
I might just weep with the knowledge that someone else can’t stand their children sometimes.
Your blog rocks.