Major, major announcements

1. I have settled on a cyber nickname for the new child. I have known Peanut as Peanut since he was conceived, and can’t change his nickname or cybername now. I adore all the ideas behind Hazelnut, especially our dear TKW, the originator of said tasty moniker. But I have met him and decided, he’s not Hazelnut.

He’s Butter. With all the connotations of rich, delicious, heavy, butterball-y, and even Linda-Richmond-sketch-y. Fact is, he makes everything that much better. What isn’t better with real Butter? Really. So we now have Peanut and Butter.

2.My mother was right.

This is a major announcement, for I have been fighting saying that since the day I turned 17 months. But she was. In the midst of all the Peanut turmoil, the bad behavior and tantrums and general out-of-control, are-you-serious, stop-this-parenting-ride-I want-to-get-off  bullsh-t (I have witnesses, including my mother in law and my local friends, all of whom have ben gape-mouthed at his behavior), she has maintained this argument: Logic isn’t working, yelling isn’t working. When all else fails, cry.

So I tried  it tonight. He was testing me and I just started crying. I said it was so hard when he didn’t nap (yeah, first time in almost two years. shoot me now.) because I got so tired and it made me sad to be so tired. It was a staged reading of the things he should have been saying, but he bought the act. He kissed me and told me he was sorry I felt sad and that he wished I felt better. And then I really lost it. I really cried, telling him I was sorry things were so hard for him and that I wanted us to have fun and not yell at each other. He said he wished it was just Mom and Peanut and Butter and nobody else. That he wished everyone else would stop coming to the house. I cried harder, telling him understand he wants things back to the way things were when I was the only adult telling him what to do, but that I needed help because my body is just too hurt to be doing everything I usually do. I told him soon it would just be the three of us, and he kissed  me and told me to take as long as I want.

My mom was right. P doesn’t need yelling or games or techniques. He needs to feel like he’s helping. And tonight he did.

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17 thoughts on “Major, major announcements

  1. Now I have the peanut butter jelly time song in my head.

    and “like buttah” from SNL’s Coffee Tawlk.

    It’s becoming a foodie blog! Don’t come here hungry.

  2. I love the nickname Butter because in the description you gave, it sounds like you love him an awful lot. And THAT makes everything better. It makes me think that eventually the stitches and saga of his birth will be a faint, laughable memory. Now? It sucks big time. But the stitches and pain and sleep deprivation will eventually go away. You’ll always have Butter.

    And together, they’re peanut butter? I love it.

    I might have to try the crying thing out on eldest. :)

    I’m glad that Peanut showed his compassionate side. Clearly you’ve done something right! If he were a real hellion, then he would have taken one look at the fake tears and said, “is that the best you can do?” haha. Take heart! There’s a good kiddo in there!

  3. Oh, you’re so dear. It sounds like you got through to P with your new approach, though I feel sad to think of you crying. Then again, what is the “fourth trimester” about….being overwhelmingly exhausted and crying! We moms all know exactly what that feels like, and it ain’t good. Wish I could wave a magic wand and restore things to fairy-tale-ending status. I hope your healing is coming along well. Really really really hope that you’re not in too much pain. Though I worry that you are. *hugs hugs hugs hugs*

    ADORE the new nickname. And I will always hear it as if Linda Richmond is saying it. Because your new little guy? He’s perfect, like Barbra and like buttaah.

    (Ok, now I can’t help myself: “Grape Nuts are neither grape nor nut. Discuss.”)

  4. Yay for Butter. Great name. And it gives you all kinds of options as they work through the sibling dynamics: Peanut Butter; PeanutButt; PeaButter; PeaButt.

    I love that Peanut wanted it to be just Mom and Peanut *and* Butter. He’s having a hard time, but he’s already taken with his little brother. I would take great heart in that.

    And I think I will give crying a try. I bet I’ll get a chance today, even…

  5. Peanut’s heart is in the right place–he wants to be with his mama and his new brother. So sweet.

    I love Butter! It reminds me of Butters on South Park (who is a sweet, happy, naive little guy).

    Crying is great therapy…too bad I look like an albino ferret when I do so.

  6. Sometimes all you need is a good cry…Glad Peanut is including Butter in his little beloved circle…Give yourself time…I mean, you MADE another human being, for crying out loud!

  7. Oh, you and Peanut breaking down together is heart-breaking! And therapeutic. This is a tough time, but things will smooth out. Trust me.

    And Butter? I love it.

  8. I am sending you love and respect and delight! Love because Mommies need extra, respect because you tell the truth, delight because you give it to me. Thank You! It must be so farking hard over there right now. Love, respect and delight. I hope you can have more delight soon. Like BUTTER!

  9. Melissa, I think both, too.
    Jane, I really, really do.
    jc now I can’t get that song out of my head. I already had Linda Richmond stuck.
    Fie, part of his intensity is fabulous empathy. It’s quite sweet. Lethal to my sanity, but sweet.
    Ink, you’d be shocked at how little crying there’s been. That one blindsided me and it was pretty intense. Felt really good. Bottom half not really good. (lol at Grape Nuts. Mike Meyers is hilarious.)
    Macondo, PeaButt is so intensely awesome. Never thought about the contractions available with those names.
    TKW, I totally forgot about Butters. Throw him onto the pile of lovely connotations.
    Maria, YEAH! I forgot about that! I did make a person, and I’ll cry if I want to.
    Thanks, Evenshine. 
    JtG, believe me…I know it’ll come back to haunt me.
    Gibby, I figured it would get better. His reaction made me sure of it.
    Falling, he came with that all on his own. I try to nourish it, but I can’t take credit.Thanks for the loving.
    Bloginsong, I actually printed that comment and put it on the fridge. Such lovely sentiments, and I totally need that right now. What a gift. Thanks.

  10. Peanut is a good soul. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve cried in front of my children. It has been greeted with both laughs and a sweet rub on the back. You just never know with kids, so you just have to try everything. Your mama was right–to try something new.

    Don’t worry, your little ones will one day say you were right, too! I’m sure of it.

  11. yeah, you gotta weep. what else do mothers do so well? though, i wept the other day when mimi seemed to have disappeared from in front of my house, after i found her, and was freaking out on her ass, and she laughed in my face. not the usual reaction. usually crying is something the horribly great toddler can understand. god, i hope you feel better soon.

  12. {{{{hugs}}}} to both of you. I’m so amazed that he said “You and him and BUTTER” because you know oftentimes when the older sibling wishes for things to be back to normal they mean before the baby arrives. He is an awesome bro already!

    I cry too in front of my kids. I am not afraid of showing them my weakness as a mother because they have to learn that we are human too.

    May the Sleep God bestows lots of gentle, peaceful sleep on you all.

    Way to channel Julia Child on the butter thing. :-)

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