What in tarnation?

Why does it cost me $10 to get wifi at the airport? Shame on you, SFO. Hell, the rest areas in Iowa have free wifi.

Why do small people smell a crisis and grow impatient with the world just because you are?

Why does it take ATT three days to believe me that our DSL is down. “Says here you shouldn’t have any green lights. Why do you have three green lights? Maybe you need to buy a new modem.” Did that. Changed all the cords and the modem and the problem is clearly yours. “Oh. We’ll be out next week.”

Why does the company who put in the windows (thank you…just in time for summer, we can actually open our windows now) leave little shards of glass EVERYWHERE? In the toy box, in the dishes, one every floor, in the cat box, in the beds. Why did you say “move the furniture three feet away from the windows” when you meant twelve feet? Why did you not just tell us to move out? And landlord? Why did you not do this last month, before we moved in? Good damned thing I wanted windows that open…

Jerks on the red-eye across this great country: why did you all bring your kids? And why did you all buy up the upgrades before I decided it might be worth it to pay my life’s savings to get out of coach on a red-eye? Let me guess. You’re gonna keep me up all night, with your kids and your “WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A MEAL?” nonsense.

Sigh. I’m gonna miss Peanut and Spouse. I’m gonna have a blast. And goddess help me, I’m really nervous about making it home in one piece, so help me out on that one.

I don’t mean to judge, but…

I’m trying to plan our big family trip to Iowa this week (not a word; not a single word) and finding it a bit, um, challenging.

Between the town where we’re staying and the town where we need to be for Spouse’s cousin’s graduation, there is one park. Three hamlets, and one park. Now, I know that when the countryside is beautiful and people spend a lot of time outside, they don’t need designated parks and playgrounds and mini golf and whatnot. But I can’t bring a tricycle on the airplane (TSA regulations against liquids are loosening, but they’re cracking down on carried-on, three-wheeled  vehicles because the pilots are totally done with little people ramming the cockpit doors after a long ride down the center aisle [oh, wait, that’s me], and I don’t want to pay $25 both ways to check it). I don’t see just wandering the street(s) of a small town working out for my particular three year old. Maybe yours would tolerate five days of aimless sightseeing in towns where the population is smaller than Spouse and my ages added together, but mine won’t.

Maybe I underestimate his attention span, or our collective interest in Iowan architecture, but still. He’s awake and in need of activity (else he is a self-starter on the whole ‘breaking stuff in wild bursts of unguided energy” front) approximately 12 hours a day (meals and calm time take up at least 3 of his waking hours, for a grand total of “go to freaking sleep!”).

I did find a state wildlife area reasonably close, though the only online information (which was damned hard to find) involves how to not get shot at in a wildlife area. Um, maybe we’ll stick to walking the street (that’s not a typo) in the three nearest towns…