Police Blotter

Area woman exhibited manic enjoyment of her children’s every breath Friday. She breezed through the morning, laughing with the kids, relishing their company, and playing their games, all while tidying the house, cooking a fabulous lunch, cleaning the bathrooms, and changing her voter registration.

Local law enforcement officials have surmised that the local Peet’s pulled her a regular Americano despite her decaf order.

Peet’s employees were horrified. “I really hope we didn’t give her a regular,” said the charming young man who served her. “She seems like the type who would lose her freaking mind on caffeine.” He clarified later, “That lady had enough energy already, you know? It’s like, there are just some high strung people…no offense…who order decaf for a reason.”

The woman herself is oblivious to her frenetic assault on the neighborhood and her house. She just feels really really really really really productive. Woohoo!

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