The results are in…

I’ve taken every online quiz to determine, through the magic of the Internet, the gender of this baby.

Old wives’ tales and superstitions, which are always 100% medically, historically, and computationally accurate, can be compiled with simple software prestidigitations. Of course how your uterus looks is determined by the baby’s gender. How could it not be?

And the results?

Quiz #1 60% chance for a boy
Quiz #2 too early to tell. try back later (um, people, any later and it will be easier to look in the kid’s diaper)
Quiz #3 60% chance for a girl
Quiz #4 57% chance for a girl
Quiz #5 62% chance for a boy
Quiz # 6 It’s a girl
Quiz #7 It’s a boy

Seriously, Internet coders, you’ve just wasted seventeen minutes of my time. Now, please, come up with a better quiz. Or at least one that takes longer. I have stuff to do and need to procrastinate.

Do I crave orange juice? That’s the best you can do? Here’s my official, fool-proof guaranteed to be accurate pregnancy quiz.

1. Are you experiencing a)uncontrollable rage or b)a new inner peace?
2. Were you a)wildly sick the first trimester or b)felt fine?
3. Are you a)dreaming sweet thoughts of baby or b)terrified out of your gourd about the future?

Tally the number of As and the number of Bs. If you have more As you have a 50% chance of having a boy and if you have more Bs you have a 50% chance of having a girl. If you answered every question “some of both” you have my sympathies, because you’re clearly insane probably having a baby soon.

Guaranteed.