What I want in the stimulus package

So Congress is debating, as are pundits, as are my friends and neighbors, about how best to rescue the economy. (The best option, a way-back machine that returns us to pre-Reagan and puts deregulation into context, has been shelved for some bogus lack-of-technology reason.)

Obama says spend money on the things we’re gonna need anyway—roads, wind farms, education—and in so doing, put people to work. Republicans say cut taxes (since that worked so well to this point…do they somehow think that tax cuts when the government is already bringing in, like, zero dollars, is going to help anyone but gazillionaires?)

You know what I say? I say spend the money, sure. Cut taxes on the lower class. And move the tax bracket *up* for anyone who works for a failing financial institution and got a bonus. If they took bailout money and got bonuses, make them pay 100% taxes. That’s right. If you get a bonus, you give back your entire salary including bonus. Because you know what? You’re lucky to still have a job, you economy-ruining f—ers. That Merrill Lynch yahoo who said he had to give bonuses to his best performers is a jackass. If you had any best performers my entire retirement would be worth what it was in May. And yet, he’s offering us the best way out of the crisis. Sure, pay extra to those who screwed up the economy, the international banking industry, and the world in general. Give them a bonus. Then we the taxpayers get to keep it all. Every bloody penny.

Ditto executive bonuses for anyone involved in mortgage-backed securities, subprime mortgages, or other banking shenanigans. They can all make the check out the the Internal Revenue Service so we can pay for those roads.

Confounding politics

Just when you think you’ve got a few things figured out, the presidential race gets weird:

McCain says that “In the Twenty-First Century, nations don’t invade other nations.” Great point. Quick: someone tell the Iraqis. They might have running water and electricity again soon, and all their dead civilians (except the ones Saddam Hussein murdered) will be coming back to life any day now.

Maybe he meant nations shouldn’t invade other nations to squelch democracy. But they still really ought to consider invading to force democracy down a nation’s throat. That’s a great political platform. Someone should tell the right about it.

Deployed troops overwhelmingly support Obama, if sending cold, hard cash counts for anything. Maybe they’re sick of cramming democracy into the unwilling and incapable. Or they’re hoping we don’t have to go to war with the rest of the world in the first few months of another hawkish administration.

Interesting breakdown of electoral college math by Karl Rove at PoliPundit.com. Would love to not hear about Florida this year…

Okay. Enough politics. We now return you to your regularly scheduled mid-life parenting meltdown.