I’m being outvoted. Right here, right now.


The kids want kittens.

Spouse wants kittens.

I’m having nightmares about Black Friday emails and Cyber Monday emails and Last Night of Hanukkah emails about KITTENS.

We’re dog people. And when our cat died earlier this year we were heartbroken. And it took about a week for someone to say, quietly, “time for a dog.”

But I’m not training a puppy. And I’m not socializing an older dog. And I’m not paying a fortune for the medical bills of a senior dog. All of those statements are heartless and cruel, and I don’t care. I don’t need another child, and let’s face it: adding a dog to our family would be as much work as having another child.

It already takes everything I have to keep my boys from killing each other. Every other minute. I’m not going to tell them to stop wrestling the dog, too.

It already takes half an hour to leave the freaking house, trying to keep calm while the fiascos and the fights and the “oh, I forgot!” and the “wait for me!” and the “hey, I want to be first” nonsense ricochets all around me. I’m not adding a leash and a poop bag to that stressful chaos.

So I warmed, a bit, to the idea of cats. It’s been nice not having a litter box. Not worrying about keeping the door closed. Not paying for food and litter and toys and vet bills. Not watching where I step, being awakened by someone other than the three who already wake me, and not worrying about anyone or anything’s poop.

But we already know about cats. We have the stuff. The kids want something small to love.

And who can blame them?

Well, me. I can, if this turns out to be a horrible idea.

We’ve talked about how kittens don’t know the rules, and might fight with feet and hands and backpacks and LEGOs.

They say that’s okay.

We’ve talked about how, if a kitten tries to wrestle your hand or foot you have to say, “uh-oh” and remove that body part from their grasp. And how you have to get a toy as an alternative, but not so quickly that they think they’re being rewarded for clawing and gnawing on human flesh.

They say that’s okay.

We’ve talked about keeping items away from the edges of shelves and about gently removing kittens who jump on counters or tables.

They say that’s okay.

I’m running out of ammunition, people.

Because kittens.


20 thoughts on “Kittens

  1. I’m pretty sure if you owned cats for the better part of this millennium and you’ve never owned a dog, you can’t *really* claim “we’re dog people.”

    • Well, humph. I can claim anything I like, especially since I blog at one a.m. and am pretty loopy by then. The better part of this millennium is 13 years and I’ve had cats for…um…13 years and what do you know, some of that doesn’t count and you’re not the boss of me.
      The Spouse and I prefer dogs is all I’m saying. If we could only get rid of the kids we’d have a dog tomorrow.
      So instead I keep the kids and add kittens?
      What’s the definition of insanity again?

  2. We have two in our backyard and a mamacat… we’d totally let you have them.

    More seriously, there are so many loving young adult kitties perfectly socialized who need homes. Your boys would love a kitty like our Bigkitty, left at the no-kill shelter because they had too many cats and amazingly good with kids. She has been exactly as advertised at the shelter and has dealt beautifully with the birth, toddler, and little kidhood of our two children. Even though DC2 is a bit rough. (Littlekitty, from the same shelter has been very good at avoiding said children.)

    • BigKitty is what I want. A young, well socialized cat who needs a home and is willing to tolerate crazy children. But I need two who are bonded together, because the last thing I need is more drama.

      There’s a pair of seven month old kitties at the shelter that seem to not like the boys, but who knows how they’d behave if they were acclimated at home. A shelter is a dreadful place to be, hence the rescuing.
      Thanks for pushing me toward older cats. i need to stay strong against kitten voodoo.

      • I’m sure a no kill shelter will help you find what you need. I wanted little kitty and big kitty was who we got as a companion cat. Sadly they don’t love each other, but they do get along. Since they were at the same room at the shelter, they already had the same smell we must be in the same colony thing going.

        • All the shelters around here are pushing me toward bonded littermate kittens, because once a cat gets used to life without children, there’s no going back. They say.
          I want a dog.

  3. My pup is definitely like a small child, so yeah… I have to watch that the bathroom door is closed (she prefers toilet water to the freakin fresh filtered water shit I give her), I have to make sure the trash cabinet is closed (she prefers trash to the organic high quality *expensive* non-allergy food shit I give her), and she sneaks other-dog-poop treats from the yard (she prefers poop to the organic high quality non-allergy snack shit I give her). THE NERVE OF THIS PUP.

    But I do dress her up in funny costumes (she’s a reindeer this week, next week it’s Ms Claus), she gives me tongue baths and tail wags, and she cracks me up on a daily basis with her silliness. She isn’t a snuggle bunny, she likes her space but will entertain me rubbing her belly every now and then. She plays harder than any pup I know. And she snores like a bear. She hasn’t met a person yet she didn’t want to hop up on. She’s part goat, and part squirrel really. Maybe some cat on the side with her ability to hide under the bed with just her butt and tail hanging out in the wind like it’s invisible. She is not the sharpest tool in the shed, she is more like a leaf blower.

    I vote for a previously-loved pup, one you don’t have to train. One who walks nicely on a leash and will tolerate kids jumping all around. Lots of people abandon/leave behind/dump their pets for many reasons.

    And yeah, I’d wait until the tree is down.

    • I’d love a previously-loved pup. Love love love. Most of what we’ve seen in nine months of looking is puppies, seniors on their last legs, and just right pups who are snapped up within hours of rescue. I don’t have the energy to be a dog day trader and watch every posting, but maybe I should.
      Ugh. Will you come find us a dog?

        • I’m using the catch-all rescues and the breed-specific rescues for four different breeds, open to mixes and special needs. They all (apologies to rescues who are doing their best for pets) seem to be snobby about us. Perhaps we seem wishy-washy because we’re looking in so many places, or because we won’t put a non-refundable deposit with six different rescues. But we’re not getting called back on the dogs we apply for. :( Maybe it’s kitten time.

    • They all have a “if you want to be on the ‘preferred adopter’ list you must give us $250-400” non-refundable kiss-ass fee.

      And I’m not gonna.

      There’s one lab we are very keen on, and the phone calls have so swamped the poor rescue people that they’re bringing him to an adoption fair tomorrow. He won’t go home from the fair, but we can rub his ears a bit.

      For free.

  4. no. no and no. JUST SAY NO. you are still bigger than them. you can say no.

    yes, kittens are the very cutest. okay, wait. go ahead and say yes. no really, go ahead. how long can a cat last? like 20 years or something, right?

    who cares about cleaning poop for the NEXT TWENTY YEARS anyway? kittens, schmittens. YOU’RE STRONGER THAN KITTENS! what’s next? scotch? we want scotch! We want scotch!!

    • Oh, J.G.
      [hangs head in shame]
      I wasn’t strong enough. Mostly because I make Spouse handle all kitty litter issues.
      I have a really good Templeton rye. Will that help?

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