Things Not to Do This Week
Don’t let intense doubt about the mess you’ve made out of your life show. Especially in social situations.
Don’t let face get in way of angry toddler who has, for half his life, expressed anger by hair pulling and biting.
Don’t bother with balanced meals anymore. (Their “don’t eat” list seems lately to include eating anything I make that isn’t cracker or ice cream based.) Just give up and let them forage in the cabinet.
Don’t get angry at toddler for teething himself awake eight or nine times a night. Even though he’s totally doing it on purpose.
Don’t fall asleep while editing academic book. Editing intelligent prose in blocks of three or four minutes is counterproductive.
Don’t read through your peers’ and colleagues’ LinkedIn profiles. Such madness will only end in binge eating.
Don’t correct toddler for pulling your hair in his sleep. Removing his hand from your hair will make him shriek and wake fully, the results of which are more painful than having your hair pulled from the time he comes into bed with you at 1am until you give up at 6am.
Don’t go breaking my heart.
Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow.
Don’t try to use song lyrics in blog posts just because you can’t think clearly.
Don’t write lame “Not To Do” lists just because you think you’ve written too many “To Do” Lists.
Don’t capitalize To in title phrases like To Do and Not To Do.
Don’t hit publish. I know you’re sleepy, but remember this: Don’t hit
Done it. All of it. Glad you’re sleepy enough to publish.
You and me both, sister.
What were we talking about?
No idea. It’s quarter to one here. Why am I up?
Oh. Quarters? We keep our quarters in a bowl in a bureau, but also some in the glove compartment. And I’ve never said “bureau” before. Might as well have said “chifforobe.”
Why are you still up? It must be almost one over there.
Was this, by chance, one of the 109 drafts you mentioned three posts ago? ;-)
No, but it probably should have made 110. ;-)
Sweetie, you need a crack cheese roll.
Had two. Didn’t help. You know how they taste really good and make you think the world is brighter but then sit, 6,000 calories in your gut and make you question every decision you’ve made since middle school?
Oh, is that just me?
I think she needs chocolate. Lots of it. :)
Now *that* is a fabulous proposition. ;-)
The powers of the mind, and the words contained therein.
I hear ya.
Thank goodness for the world wide interwebs.
It’s the hearing that makes the voices go away. ;-)
Random aside: I can never hear the word “chiffarobe” without thinking of poor Tom Robinson busting one up in To Kill a Mockingbird.
Also: Don’t leave comments that have nothing to do with the original post. ;)
Re: random aside
That’s the only context in which I’ve heard it used. And I love that, of the one hundred times I’ve heard or read chifforobe in my life, all one hundred have been reading or seeing To Kill a Mockingbird.
Re: Also, no way. Comments on comments make blogging fun. Otherwise, this is a conventional speaker audience performance. If comments are part of the performance, then we’re in a dialogue.
Yay! Chifforobes making the Internet a better place to be human!
Sometimes it’s good to let it all out!!
Amen. That’s why blogs exist.
Oh, my god, this is so funny and true and right and I am so there right now. My favorite line: Don’t read through your peers’ and colleagues’ LinkedIn profiles. Such madness will only end in binge eating.
Oh it’s so true. Who made partner? Who got a post at U of M? Who is writing for Mother Lode.
Just shoot me.
Additional things not to do: shoot self or others.
(I actually rewrite this admonition…the one about LinkedIn, not about shooting you…every night before I turn on the computer. I have gone to dark, dark places with LinkedIn. Self loathing borne of reading others’ resumes is not inspiring or productive. Comparing, however, is in my nature. So I’m banned from LinkedIn for the rest of the year.)
Dont give people earworms! Gah! I have Dont Go Breaking My Heart in my head now. Out, I want it out! Off to ggooggly whatthehell a chiffarobe is….
Don’t go breakin’ my, don’t go breakin’ my, don’t go breakin’ my…chiffarobe.
I’ll get you my pretty. and your little dog too.
Balanced meals, I wish I believed in balanced meals! But foraging is better; it teaches them survival skills. And I do throw fruit in their path regularly which is why my kids have all consistently had runny diapers.
Yes! They know where the spoons and the yogurt are. And the chocolate is kept way up high, for grownup use only.