Children for fun and profit

Just kidding. They’re only sometimes fun and rarely offer profit.

But having kids is kind of fun once they have interests, since the engaged parent learns stuff they’d never care about otherwise. For instance, I know the name of every stinking truck on the planet. Thanks, Butterbean.

Peanut and I were talking about animals, and I had to do some research to answer his questions. Here you go. Enjoy. Tell your kids. You’re welcome.

(Source: Interwebs, various sites. I’m not in grad school anymore, yo, so screw MLA and APA citation requirements. You’ll take what I give you and you’ll like it.)

(Fine. If I say Harvard’s database of bionumbers, will you shut your coffee hole?)

(NB: the Interwebs are full of liars and cheats, so tell your kids this information only if you’re used to telling them stuff that will get them mocked by the smart kids at school.)

Ahem.

The most plentiful species on earth is an ocean dwelling cyanobactiera called Prochlorococcus.
The most plentiful animal species is krill.
Half the global biomass is prokaryotic bacteria, a shocking amount of which are subsurface.
There is more cattle flesh than humans flesh by about 50%.
And there are 108 ants (which is only three times the total biomass of humans, except in my house, where those little effers outweigh even me.)
And the aquatic crustacean copepods constitute the largest animal biomass; though krill have more animals, the copepods weigh more.

So speaketh the Interwebs.  Please, for the love of Sleep, do not cite my blog for a paper you’re writing for school.
Because I’m not a scientist? Okay, sure. Use that one.
Because my research is shoddy now that nothing matters and nobody cares? I’d prefer you kept that between us.
Because I made up half this data? No. I didn’t make it up. I just didn’t cross check it or proofread it or really pay much attention beyond getting it posted so I can go to bed.

Mmmmmkay?

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15 thoughts on “Children for fun and profit

  1. @Yasmin our secret is safe with me. Except that I blog everything, so…

    @Kitch He started easy…if blue whale is the largest animal, what’s the largest mammal. Okay, what’s the biggest animal on land. Okay, if you took all the elephants and all the blue whales, what’s bigger? If you took all the fish are they bigger than all the whales? If you took all the ants in the world would it be bigger than me? If you took….HANG ON! Let me look it up and then you can keep asking.

  2. Peanut sounds exactly like my oldest. I live on the Interwebs as I’m too stupid to answer most of the questions he asks but Google saves my ass every time! He’s never asked about ants though… And, frankly? That tidbit totally creeps me out!

  3. @jc I thought you’d like that one.

    @Ink, happy to oblige. It’s nice to be needed. ;-)

    @Heather Google pretty much makes all of us smarter. And YouTube makes us entertaining (you should see my play list of trains and trucks)

    @tara my go-to for tesseracts is Wrinkle in Time. Novel-length with maybe a paragraph on actual tesseracts, despite the title.

  4. you are totally right, i was dreaming in fiction. i’ve been reading wrinkle to my guy, it’s too scary. i jumped the gun, he was all, “hey mom, i’ve been thinking, there’s probably around 100 more universes beyond our universe and at least 78 more planets like earth with stars like our sun, and……” so i dug it out thinking he might enjoy it, but the red eyes…. the brain…. the searching for dad…he’s been sleeping even worse! i’m going to stick to little house.

  5. Goodness…No wonder you are tired. P.S. I love how you didn’t MLA and APA reference. God, I am so glad I am out of college. The referencing was worse than actually writing the damn papers. If nothing else, he will be the most well informned Kindergartener on Earth…

  6. Something foggy and unreachable in the back of my mind…that other book about the kids, right?

    (Laughing at how lame that sounds, but that’s what I get.)

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