Home, disgusting home

A well reasoned argument for housecleaning performed by hired angels resides over at Let Me Start by Saying.

I have another approach.

Though our house is a hovel, with every horizontal surface cluttered, dishes and counters with today’s meals, bathrooms teeming with cast-off bath toys and wet towels; I will not use limited funds to pay someone else to clean.

Instead, I associate only with people whose houses are in worse shape. If we’re friends and your house is clean, mazel tov. Doesn’t matter how it gets that way…I’m not coming over and you’re not invited here. No offense. Mine just needs to be the cleanest house I see all day.

Because tidy by comparison is free.

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15 thoughts on “Home, disgusting home

  1. I love the way you think.
    When I try to put in efforts to tidy up the 1st floor of the house (what people see when they come over), there is some algorythm I don’t quite understand that makes my upstairs magically extra messy so the overall slovenly-ness of my home never actually improves.
    And if you ever do come over and by some miracle the cleaning lady has just left? Wait 7 minutes: the house will be a disaster once again.

  2. I understand…when I come home on the days that the cleaning ladies come, within five minutes of all our inhabitants being home, the house is a pig’s pen… However, I did not have to actually clean it, so in my own sick little head, it’s not as bad as actually having to clean it and seeing it trashed in seconds…Sick, I know.

  3. On the instantly trashed part of the equation: the way I figure it, if I pick up toys and put them away, clean the hard surfaces and then vacuum, at least when it’s trashed all over again, it’s clean(er) underneath.

  4. @Karyn then you’re welcome over any time. ;-)

    @letmestart I do not judge and I do not believe, as one of your commenter’s husbands does, that if you have someone do the nasty stuff every couple of weeks that your house is magically clean forever more. I think someone doing the shower and the fridge and the floors would be the wisest investment we could make. But I am diverting money we don’t have into a babysitter for a while, so I needed some rationalization for the filth.

    @macondo happy to oblige. Let me know what else you need to feel good about and I’ll get right on it. Seriously.

    @Maria Amen. Anything is better when someone else does it. I’ll eat PB&J with the crusts on if someone else made it. And when it gets dropped on the floor or forgotten and stale, I don’t cry. Because someone else made it. My brother cooked for Mother’s Day. Said something about it being late and how he was sorry. All I heard was “dinner’s ready and you didn’t have to do a freaking thing.” Keep your sorries to yourself, Knight in White Apron!

    @Leslie Agreed. Not only is the space under the instaclutter clean, but there is also a measurable difference. As in, “one hour ago this place was a Better Homes cover. Everyone identify their crap and make it disappear!” We have no such benchmark and the creeping crud just continues to creep.

    • @Jessica I was passing through Boston for three years two decades ago. I’ll gladly bring a bottle of wine over to your pigpen next time I’m in town. ;-)

      @Ink Is that you over there, Inky? I can’t see past the boxes and the whatnot. But I dig that about you. I said, I dig that about you! Oh, you couldn’t hear? I’d walk over there but there’s a lot of my crap on the floor here. Maybe we could text.

  5. Oh, it’s never a Better Homes cover! Except when my mom visits during times I have to work. If she gets tired of puttering around town in my car, she putters around the house, gradually clearing surfaces, keeping up with laundry, keeping up with the dishes. She claims it’s sort of fun when it’s someone else’s house, so I don’t fuss about the few things I can’t find later.

    Well, except to my husband, who knows better than to ever breathe a word about it to Mom.

    And she won’t go to the grocery store. Hates it; always has.

  6. Leslie, a trip to the grocery store without children is my idea of a good time. Twisted, I know. So if your mom will watch my kids I will forever do her grocery shopping. Really.

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