Leeches

Small children, adorable, clever, hilarious, cuddly little humans suck the life out of you if you’re with them 14 hours a day without cease. And when it’s seven days a week, and they’ve sucked the life out of you by Monday afternoon, it’s a long, long, long long long week.

In related news, the debut two-hour stint of our first babysitter is six days away. In other related news, the submission of my novel to the next round of agents will be about eight babysitting sessions from now.

In unrelated news, kale chips are nice. Even better was last night’s Thai sweet potato lentil foil packets. Baked for now, but next time will be grilled. By someone else. From packets I’ve prepped the night before. It took almost three hours to prep a meal that takes someone without small children (who cling, scream, and hit more during meal prep than any other time in the day) about 15 minutes.

And finally, in this abbreviated version of our news hour: people suck. Twice in two days someone turning left almost hit me and my small wards as we were walking in the crosswalk. At an intersection with a green light and a walk sign. No late afternoon glare, no echoing sirens, no tsunami, no excuses. Bad drivers almost killing perfectly decent bloggers and future bloggers.

People suck.
You heard it here first.

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9 thoughts on “Leeches

  1. A comment completely irrelevant to your post, I wasn’t following you on the Twitter! This tragedy has been remedied.
    And people suck? I’ll alert the media…

  2. Yuliya, the averted catastrophe of you missing out on my inane Tweets will be headlined in the next Naptime News segment. Welcome. You’ll unfollow within a week. ;-)

  3. Kale chips suck. Can we still be friends? Because I think I’d like that Thai thingy you make. I’d even grill them for you.

    And people suck worse than kale chips. ‘Tis true. Be careful in that crosswalk! A few years ago, some fucker took out an entire family in a crosswalk–mom and two kids. Horrifying.

  4. That kale thingie DOES sound delicious. Especially cooked by someone else.

    Now putting an orange energy bubble around your family for crosswalks. There. It’s supposed to be protection, according to a psychic lady who told me so.

  5. I find it hilarious that just as your sentence ends, mine will begin. Seven days a week alone with boys that have bottomless stomachs surely isn’t why summer vacation was created, right? Did I mention that they would NEVER be hungry enough to attempt to try any of the foods you have mentioned above?

    Here’s to hoping that babysitter is your God-send, and you are able to finish so that you may begin your agent rounds!

    And yes, people suck. Hard. Especially when they ignore other, non driving and saving the environment people. I bet that SOB was in a SUV…

  6. Babysitters rock my world. I’ve been trying to get one for 3hrs once a week just so I can work on my book. Writing with zero interruptions? Heavenly.
    Good luck with yours.
    And good luck crossing the street. (Seriously, WTF?)

  7. I made the most horrible no good pizza EVAH this week. A gluten-free pizza mix. I took one bite, and dumped the pan in the trash. No pineapple and ham cheesy goodness for me. It tasted like ass. I don’t have the heart to try kale chips this week. Maybe some other day.

    I almost got hit in a crosswalk by a left turning twit a few weeks ago. I was carrying a bright fucken pink umbrella and wearing an orange shirt on the way to the bus. You WOULD THINK that loud obnoxious colors would scare traffic to a halt, but nope, he actually honked his damn horn at me! Yeah, it was my fault asshole that I was standing in your way! I should have stuck my umbrella up his grill and fixed his wagon.

  8. Yes, Kitchy, we can still be friends. At least I didn’t pretend kale chips taste like real chips. But, in my defense, I’m a sweets gal and could take chips or leave ’em. So I kind of deserve kale chips.

    Ink, many thanks for the orange bubble. I will inflate it just a bit next time I cross the street.

    Maria, that’s hilarious. When I rolled my eyes today at the preschool teacher she said, “and he’s only five. What are you going to do when he’s 15 and you want to ship him to another country?” I can’t imagine. I’m moving until we find a year round school is all. ;-)

    letmestart 3hours is bare minimum for getting work done, since you have to get away and get into your head. I can’t yet. Butter’s just too young. Good luck with your time and your writing!

    jc Sorry about your crappy pizza. There are few moments worse than hard work that thanks you with shit-taste. Especially given that you can’t just make a PB&J. :(

    The first one who almost hit me, a lady, only stopped because I screamed. She would never have noticed us until she hit us. Holy effing near death of all three, BatLady. I looked at her and took some-people’s-god’s three-syllable name in vain. She didn’t look me in the eye.

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