This is your brain on sleep deprivation.
Things I have done, no joke, this month:
>> Put toothpaste on the preschooler’s toothbrush, and, while talking with him, shoved the brush into the baby’s mouth and started brushing.
>> Started putting away the clean dishes that Spouse had washed; noticed some oil on one. Washed it. Then without noticing rewashed all the other clean dishes from the full dish drainer and put them away wet.
>> Freaked out at dinner the other night—a desperately needed Ladies’ Night Out—because I had left my elastic hairbands on my wrist. Not because it’s unseemly and sorority-ish to wear ponytail elastic on my wrist. Not because my hair was unkempt and in need of ponytailing. The real problem? I’ve had short hair for about a month. I have absolutely no idea how the bands got on my wrist.
>> Filled a pot at the sink in preparation to cook something, brought it to the stove, then left the room and was surprised at dinnertime that we had to have sandwiches again.
At least I didn’t turn the stove on. Oh, wait…
>>Turned the stove on to roast some cauliflower. Once the preheat was done, opened it to find all the muffins I had baked the day before. They were a tad overdone.
NaptimeWriting 
Calling the Sleep Squad: Need Urgent Sleeptime Scheduled for Nap, stat! Commence support systems now…Mama needs SLEEP!
(Is it wrong that I giggled at most of those entries? Can totes relate.)
My sympathy for you on this topic is literally boundless. At least you’re turning it into good blog fodder. All I managed to do was write over and over again, “Hi. I’m so effing tired.”
Mail me that baby and take a nap.
Trust me on this. If you can’t find the phone, check the dryer.
Naptime! If you didn’t write so well I might have been able to keep from laughing. Especially about the muffins. But even on no sleep you’re a wiz with words, so I had to laugh. I’m sorry.
This is why I’m okay with the fact that I stopped breastfeeding at 11 months. My milk supply was not good, and baby just couldn’t sleep through the night without nursing, usually twice. But once I stopped nursing and gave him formula, he slept right through the night. I have no idea what would work for you because it sounds like both your kids are “bad” sleepers. But yeah, walking around in that fog all the time will make you do some crazy stuff. I just wonder what MY excuse is.
Ah, yes.
I put pantry items in the fridge when I’m tired. Walk into rooms & have NO idea why. Good times.
I once paid the mortgage to the wrong division of a company. It took MONTHS to clear up. I finally figured out how it happened. I was nursing the baby while I was paying bills, checking dinner that was on the stove, supervising my oldest while he did homework, and trying to keep the middle one from cracking his head open.
You can only imagine how humbling an experience it was to have to explain that OVER and OVER for MONTHS to several people. I am sure that I am famous somewhere in the billing department at WF Bank…(sigh)
@Ink I forgive you. ;)
@Falling how about I mail myself and let him take care of himself.
@MacDougal I will add it to the list. So far, missing brush was in freezer, missing phone was in the sock drawer, and oven mitt was in the bathroom.
@ck no need to apologize. And thank you.
@Fie yeah, my oldest was still sleepless for a year and a half after night weaning and a year after weaning. And if I have to be up anyway, I’d rather have the oxytocin.
@letmestart at least it’s not fridge to pantry. Chilled oats better than warm butter.
@Maria I probably would have paid the mortgage to the phone company and the gas bill to the bank. See how together you are?
Oh sweetheart, Bring the kids over to my house and then sleep for a week.
It’s not just the sleep deprivation it’s probably also that you’re starving…how IS the sweet potato diet going?
Hang in there!
I put cheese away in the cabinet.
I put sunscreen on a toothbrush.
I can empathize.
And I’m sorry that I chuckled as I read this. :)
Sleep deprevation – it’s a &$#@! I now know why they use it for torture!
If I lived closer I’d ditto Fae’s comment. If it helps at all, many many of these sound quite familiar. I’ve found the milk in the bread cabinet on many occasions in the past five or so years…
hahaahhaa! i can laugh because i have 2 who don’t sleep either. i haven’t slept in 6 years, it burns when i blink on the really bad weeks. i got a new pair of jeans last month. after the last pair ripped off after 5 years of wearing in and out of pregnancy and through 7 sizes…oh and the pair before that ripped off at the library…during story time… and so i put these new ones in the washer. later i open the washer and they are bone dry. and my first thought: “holey crap they are magic jeans! they don’t stay wet!” my second, and correct thought: “i forgot to turn the washer on, how come my first thought was that they were magic?”
I’m sorry that I laughed so hard at that Tara, but I laughed REALLY hard. Magic jeans.
Oh my god, the pain with blinking.
I kept shoving a sandwich into one kid’s face and got frustrated that he wouldn’t eat. Why won’t he eat? He’s been eating this sandwich for half an hour and I’m trying to help…oh, crap, this is the kid who doesn’t eat sandwiches yet. Because he doesn’t have teeth.