For your amusement, I present this year’s holiday gathering invitation. Feel free to appropriate.
Holiday Apathy Festival of Meh
We’re having our first annual Holiday Apathy Gathering and you’re invited. But don’t let that unnerve you.
In this season of exceedingly high expectations, pressure, and stress, we’d like to nurture an afternoon of minimal effort. So we’re offering you several hours of eating snacks from bags and talking. Or not. Your call.
We won’t cook or clean or decorate. You don’t have to bring anything or plan anything. We don’t even expect you to shower.
If you know some bagged or boxed snack that gives you joy this time of year, you can bring it. But we don’t expect you to.
If you feel the need to prepare food to share, that’s on you. We don’t expect others to share our apathy, so we’ll be pleased to have you even if you’re one of those compulsive, homemade-pie-crust making types. Do what feels right for you. Everybody else wants a piece of you this season and we just want to see you get through intact. We’ll take you as you are. Unwashed, crafty, witty, slovenly, or passionately pro-holiday.
We offer you this December afternoon as a way to say, “Hey, we’re glad you’re alive. But we don’t want to bake any more this year and we’re tired of hiding all our crap just to have people over.”
Join us in our minimal efforts, won’t you?
Sincerely,
Most of the Naptime Family.
Peanut doesn’t want anyone to come, which we honor by placing it in the official record.
NaptimeWriting 
Party of ONE! RIGHT HERE! I have cookie dough ice cream, bacon (of course), and grilled cheese. My favorite outfit is my pajamas with my giraffe slippers so I hope it’s a sleepover. I will put bells on.
I’ll bring the boxed wine and the Twizzlers. I’m totally in.
Count me in, too! I hereby bring nothing and offer no scintillating topics of conversation. But I’ll smile a lot at the cuteness of Peanut + Butter.
You are ALL invited. Each of those offers is way more than we could have expected and we’re honored to be included in your list of those who are deemed worthy.
jc, I’ll join the jammies group and will gladly offer you a chocolate covered bacon bar for when your salty comfort foods leave you wanting something sweet.
Kitch, you’re a woman after my own heart. I’m bringing cheese puffs and red wine, so come on over and we’ll cobble together a food group.
Ink, you get the place of honor. There are few for whom I will expend effort at an apathy party, but…may I bring you a bag of pretzels and a tub of hummus and a bottle of sparkling water with lime?
John Hughes films for all and to all a good night!
You are truly a woman after my own heart. I’ll be there but don’t expect me to leave.
OMG sign me up. I’ll even try to get there. I think I have wine. I know I can arrange Doritos (I have to stop for gas anyhow…)
Seriously, this is the best idea for a party ever.
Is it too late to RSVP? I am so in. I will bring cereal that we can eat straight out of the box…like I may or may not be doing at this very moment.
Nap, I’m always in awe over your brilliance. This is the perfect party. Damn, why did we have to be scattered across the country? I’ll bring chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
Red wine and cheese puffs? How about dark chocolate for us PMS-ing partygoers? What time and where? Got my jammies ready and It’s a Wonderful Life and How the Grinch Stole Christmas…Nice viewing selections, no?
Aw. You’re having yourself a Meh-rry Little Christmas, aren’t you?
Excellent. I’m still cheesed that I had to go back to non-elastic waistbands after having the baby, anyway, so I’m delighted to go anywhere I can wear yoga pants.
Yuliya, that’s what I’m talking about…Cap’n’ Crunch and Jack’n’Coke
faemom, anyone with chocolate is welcome. As is anyone who wants chocolate.
Maria, you are so my soulmate. I was going to be in charge of Syrah and Snikkidy’s Grilled Cheese Puffs. The movies are AWESOME additions. In fact, I may get those flicks to play in the background so the kids leave me alone.
Falling, that is another dilemma of the holiday season we hope to assuage with our casual get together. Extra cereal, pseudo licorice, and cheese puffs over here, please.
MacDougal, no expectations, indeed. If you stay through the screamfest that is bathtime or the constant waking through the night, you’re welcome to leftovers in the morning.
Digger, don’t put pressure on yourself. Just show up smelling of petrol and we’ll feed you whatever other people bring.
totally my kind of holiday party. I’ll grab a bag of chex mix and a 6 pack and head on over!!!
BEST party eva!
I loved this when I read it. It just made me LOL again.
Brilliant. Please bring it out every year.
Pingback: Glory be. « Naptime Writing