In these waning moments of 2009, I have invented a new, patented wondrous technological addition to my life…the Couldn’t-Care-Less-O-Meter. It gauges just how much I don’t care so I can waste less time machinating about the silly little things. Let’s give a whirl, shall we?
Spilled three cups of dry rice on the floor: Don’t Care! Welcome opportunity to sweep a neglected floor.
Can’t find the list of things I *have* to do today: Couldn’t Care Less! Clearly not important if I need a piece of paper to remember them.
Didn’t submit either of my articles to journals this year: Don’t Care! Job market sucks so maybe a PhD is a bad idea anyway! Welcome opportunity to look into minimum wage jobs that I can begin now rather than minimum wage professorships I wouldn’t begin until 2018, anyway.
Getting older and have nothing to show for it: Really Don’t Care! When I was younger I had nothing to show for that, either. Nasty, brutish, and short, y’all. Nasty. Brutish. Short.
House is a mess; Ding ding ding! Genuinely Couldn’t Care Less! Have a whole heap of failures to count, but that one can be passed off on several other members of this family.
Take the patented Couldn’t-Care-Less-O-Meter.out for a spin, readers. I guarantee it’ll help you realize how little you care about your deepest fears right now.
Just in time to ring in a whole new year of failure and apathy! Happy New Year!