An anonymous note

Look, all I’m saying is that, if you leave your favorite chocolate out in plain view, where anyone cleaning out the closets in a end-of-the-year fit of “I have to have something to show for my year besides half finished articles, unpublished novels, a couple of conference badges, and a temporarily delightful three-year-old” productivity in which he or she moves the furniture around [again] and reorganizes the closets, why then I think said chocolate is fair game.

It was only tucked into the pocket of a jacket you rarely use, probably in a vain attempt to foil my chocolate radar. Unfortunately, you should know me well enough to know I’m more of a candy hoarder than a candy eater (if that’s possible) and that I’m always checking closet pockets for cash, anyway.

So, really, it’s your fault. For the obvious hiding place and for the general ignorance of the rules of chocolate engagement.

That’s all. Not my fault. Totally your fault.

Also, not the best chocolate, either. You have poor taste in chocolate and hiding places. Wipe off that sourpuss and go get some Guittard. I left you some of your stuff. Now get me a substitute before I finish your stash. The other hiding spots are dry.

11 thoughts on “An anonymous note

  1. Don’t want to make you jealous, Undine, but Guittard is made so close to my mom’s workplace that you can smell it when they make the stuff. 45 minute drive for me for fresh Guittard. Don’t hate me…I’ll bring some to next year’s MLA.

  2. If I worked or lived next to a chocolate factory…I’d be big as a barn.

    When we moved to CO, I was able to smell both Coors Beer and Jolly Rancher hard candies from nearby factories…not a stellar combination!

  3. Now I *am* jealous, naptimewriting. Actually, I didn’t think that they made it any place in particular; I thought they gathered it as it drifted down from heaven, like manna.

  4. I am in the same end-of-year cleaning frenzy. If you haven’t worn it/used it/played with it in the past 11 months, it’s in the trash, and if I find chocolate/money/secret to the universe in the pockets, I’m keeping it.

  5. See, country-fried has my back.
    Undine it’s a natural tendency to overlook the actual making of ambrosia—it’s just from the gods, not from Northern California. Ambrosia from Kitch Witch’s white trash motherlode cookbook, however, is a whole different ball of wax.
    KW, beer and jolly ranchers is about the worst combo I can think of. Ask CK, though, b/c there might be room for purple candy and beer together. I don’t know.

  6. If you’re a woman, all chocolate is fair game. It is not true for men. Any chocolate stashes are off limits to them. Happy cleaning.

  7. tonight I take my babysitters out for their yearly holiday gift. champagne and chocolate fondue! Oh Yummyness of Life! DARK Chocolate Fondue. Your post has truly gotten me in the mood. Maybe I should wet my whistle with a little bite right now????

    How unbearable to live so near Guittard!!! Just thinking about that smell is making me want some marzipan with dark chocolate. quite badly. right now. See ya!

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