These are a few of my favorite spam…

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No, I’m not going to post the spam here. But I will categorize, analyze, and belittle for your reading pleasure.

Blog spam is quite different than email spam. Email spam tries to sell you something, get your money to Nigeria, or increase your [fill in the blank: size/pleasure/results/income/whatever]. Blog spam, though, tries to get your readers to follow a link to something they’re selling, whether product or ideology.

My delight stems from the approaches:

1) The “I stop here today read your amazing blog wow this is post I find  interesting for the thank you for posting” poorly translated obsequious post. Optional bonus: the barely coherent promise to “be frequent visitor here”

2) The dump of unrelated words and a link. Totally  nonsensical and pointless…if you’re just commenting hoping to find someone who doesn’t screen comments and posts everything, why bother with the random words? just post the link and hope it gets through.

3) My new favorite: the beligerent spam. These are new to my comment section and include a sentence of praise for the post, an acknowledgement that the following link has nothing to do  with anything you’ve ever said, and the admonition “don’t be an ass. This isn’t spam.” Oooooh. Thanks for telling me. I thought unrelated comments that refer not to my nonsense but instead point my readers to your nonsense was called spam. But if you call me an ass for thinking about deleting your comment, that makes it not spam? Nice tactic.

Maybe if I start asking people on the street and deriding their “do I know you?”s with “don’t be an ass, this isn’t mooching!” I will actually have an income. That would be nice, no? Try it yourselves. On strangers. With whom you have nothing in common and who have no interest in your having extra money. Ask them for some. Pre-empt arguments with “don’t be an ass; this isn’t unsolicited.” See how it goes over. Then tell me about it. I’ll even let you link to your site if you have actually read something I’ve written. Even if you call me an ass.

For really, at least this new spam tactic calls a spade a spade. Except it won’t call a spam a spam. Puzzling.

4 thoughts on “These are a few of my favorite spam…”

  2. Ok, too funny. But I now want to use that. Hmmm. Maybe: “Don’t be an ass…this isn’t grading, this is motivating.” Or “Don’t be an ass…this isn’t spending money on something I want, it’s investing in our future.”

  3. I remember getting the “Don’t be an ass . . . ” and thought well, that’s weird. Do you get the same ones over and over and over. Or how about the “Fantastic” or the “Your site had what I was looking for”? Ah, at least we get spam love.

    • @ kw, well, when you’re as wildly popular as this blog, people know they can make at least $1.54 from advertising to your readers ;-)
      @ ink, hilarious extrapolations. How about “Don’t be an ass. These aren’t dishes, they’re a way to teach you zen meditation while I ; blog.”
      @faemom, I agree: I get all excited when the numbers bump, only to feel a little unloved to find it’s because some automated spambot figured out I blogged about a popular topic. Makes me want to put “bailout” as a tag on all my posts.

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