If you take some time to focus on the present, to take every day as it comes and honor each moment, rather than looking back at the demons chasing you, they will catch you and claw their way up your back and slow your progress to a crawl as they cling to your neck and head.
So go ahead and run from them, and glance back every now and then to make sure they’re not gaining on you. Because if you focus on the present, tomorrow will absolutely suck, in terms of psychic pain and gouged eyeballs and whatnot.
This sunshine-y moment of zen (which came from realizing I’m made to be an aggressive, constant-list-of-projects, hard-on-myself-if-they’re-not-all-done kind of gal rather than a cheerful, live-each-moment-to-the-fullest type), is brought to you by a perfect storm of personality, internalized social expectations, perfectionism, shitty economy, massive errors in judgment, self-absorption, and the lies we’ve all been told about having it all. With whipped cream and a three-year-old on top.
Oh, honey, you have the Thing. Many people–usually people who have excellent minds and think too much–have it. Not all of us are odd enough to name it, but I call it “CrazyBrain.” It’s the wolf in the corner, the voice that hisses in your ear that you don’t measure up (never have, never will), the face that sneers at you in the junior high bathroom.
Good thing is, you have grown up enough to recognize the Thing. Which means that while it comes to visit sometimes, it doesn’t camp out in your house for 3 months. I was just talking to my friend Jody about CrazyBrain this afternoon because I can sort of feel an episode of it coming on, and she gets CrazyBrain too, and just know that you are not alone.
Whenever CrazyBrain comes to visit, I try to remember what Anne Lamott said about trying to treat ourselves like our closest friends…think how kind and loving you are to them and how you actually think their flaws are quirky and cute and you just love them anyways. And Breathe. And maybe have a wine.
Oh, is this your journal entry for Ink? Or is this you now? Whatever the instance, I think we are all there with you.
this was organic and of the day, KW. I ain’t doing the journal thing…I journal rarely and never for public consumption.
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