Stranger in a strange land

Wonderful trip, gorgeous landscape, and generally friendly people. But man, it is rather sad to be a vegetarian in Kansas City. We were welcomed warmly, but we’re coming home a little low on protein…

When we went out to dinner, the waitstaff were very polite when they told me that, no, they didn’t have a meatless burger option and yes, the chili has meat (this ain’t the West where they put beans in chili, either—this is straight up chili the way God intended…meat and spices) , and sure they can make the salad without turkey and ham, but who would want that, and yes the sauces were all dairy, why wouldn’t they be, and yes the soups all used beef stock or chicken stock, how else do you make soup? (The Japanese restaurant acros the way didn’t have tofu or edamame, so it wasn’t just our choice of restaurant; it was a whole different planet.) So I had my really tasty plain garden salad with a side of sauerkraut (jarred, but good) and grilled onions (burnt, but yummy), and Peanut had a side of cheese (which he announced loudly was “pretend cheese” because all they had was American cheese [and btw, is that the best face we have to put forward as  Americans? Really?  And the cholesterol-lovers insanity that is an “American breakfast”? Can’t we claim something a little tastier and healthier as our food ambassador? American wild rice or something? San Francisco has been battling the Rice a Roni bit for years (since the SF treat is artisan chocolate and sourdough), and the French aren’t exactly pleased with the fries and toast thing (pan perdue isn’t really from France, and pomme frites aren’t native, either), so I guess we can suck it up and claim processed oil as our signature cheese. But you can’t make me  eat it.]

As expected, at the  markets, there was no hummus section or organic foods. Saw that coming 1,000 miles away. We came prepared with whole food bars and almonds and dried fruit. But I was surprised that there was no plain yogurt or at least yogurt without gelatin, and no dairy or egg products  produced without hormones or antibiotics and fed a vegetarian diet.

There was great popcorn and plenty of bread. And rolls. And crackers, if we were willing to waver from our self-imposed ban on hydrogenated oils (which we did, because principles are fine and good when you have choices, but of course I’m gonna eat the jello-whipped-cream-pistachio-pineapple-marshmallow goodness because gelatin may come from cows but it doesn’t have a face and I can pretend for one weekend that I didn’t know it was in there). I ate potatoes but Peanut won’t, so he had a ton of cake. And his first chocolate milk. And as many Odwalla smoothies as we could cram in our hotel fridge. (Hey, Iowa and Missouri: really nice work, there, on offering the hotel fridge and microwave standard. Made life much easier. Thank you. You totally rock compared with the nickel and diming coastal hotels that have a fridge stocked with stuff that they charge you to *move* let alone eat or drink, and no microwave at any cost.)

So when we get home we’re going to have hummus and tofu and plain organic yogurt and organic produce and beans and rice until we’re green at the gills. But for now we’re really happy to have seen family. It was an easy, fun trip, and we were lucky to have it.

[And to keep having it, now that we’re waiting at the Kansas City airport for weather in SF to clear before they’ll board us…looks like lunch may be more bread and crackers.]

Slaughterhouse morsels

Well, years after Fast Food Nation exposed the rampant practice of misleading and hiring illegal immigrants for slaughterhouse work, the government noticed. And busted several slaughterhouses.

Now it seems the latter group has found this convenient replacement source of abusable labor. Nothing like hiring children to butcher your meat (or win your gymnastics medals).

Please, y’all, reconsider eating the flesh of critters. Each burger includes a healthy helping of fecal matter, it’s bad for your heart, it can give you colon cancer, and the industry producing it abuses its workers, suppliers, and animals. They’re feeding dead cows to chickens, and chicken crap to cows. Why not just save a step and feed us all downer cows and SARS birds?

If you don’t get your antibiotic, hormone, fecal bacteria special burger from a slaughterhouse, and aren’t a particularly good hunter, make sure you have the government gun down animals who don’t have any measured effect on what you want to hunt.

Where’s that absentee ballot when you need it?