Of course, there are probably shades of grey between World’s Worst Parent and Total Parenting Genius, but I’ll ignore them for a moment. Nuance is not as much fun as hyperbole.

So here’s my bid for the Worst Parent title: We’re not doing Easter.

We had an egg hunt for Peanut’s birthday party last month. And I used up all my non-candy, non-toxic, secular egg-filling ideas back then.

So we’re not having an egg hunt. Or Easter baskets. Or any recognition of the holiday other than a journey to some awesome friends’ party.

I guess that means I’m making our friends do all the work in Easter’s name. And since this is two years in a row, I guess my kids will associate this holiday with someone else’s family and the expectations will be aimed squarely at *them* next year.

This slacker idea is looking better and better.

Terrible? I don’t know…seems that if we don’t celebrate the Jesus part of Easter we shouldn’t get the other stuff. And that if we have three birthdays in March I’m allowed to skate past a holiday I find ridiculous. (The secular part is ridiculous. The religious part is entirely your business and I totally get why you’d celebrate it. I’m quibbling with the bunny who poops chocolate, not with your Lord.)

Awesome? I don’t know…seems as though my entitled, still reeling from the glow of several birthday parties kids are missing out on something magical. Like a springtime festival of…oh, wait, we do that for the equinox. Like a raucous search for plastic eggs…oh, wait, we did that already. Well, certainly they’re being robbed of the chance to…dye eggs? Get plastic grass all over the house? Eat candy?

Doesn’t sound genius, but it sure doesn’t sound as bad as, say, hissing through clenched teeth on an airplane “Please, for the sake of all that’s holy, knock it off and use your inside voices because we’re stuck in this plane for four more hours and I swear to God I’m going to lose it if you both scream one more time!”

Ahem.

I just know I’m not doing any more holidays for a while. Frivolity is all fun and games until…until someone loses an eye? Steps on a wayward jelly bean? I don’t know. I’m just saying “no” this year.

Or, more to the point, I’m not saying anything at all.

[Shhhh…Happy Easter!]