Don’t judge that I let my kid dress himself. Of course not, you say. Why would I? It’s an effective way to let them feel in control of their day and their bodies. Well, if you saw him, you’d be tempted to judge. Just know that his new linebacker girth is due to more than a half dozen shirts and several pair of pants. He thinks it’s funny, this month, to wear as many clothes as possible. So laugh if you want, but don’t question my sanity because three undies, two pants, and five shirts equals 15 minutes of peace every morning as he gets ready, without prompting, all by himself.

I don’t think that serving peanut butter and honey for dinner makes me a bad mother. I don’t think that serving it for lunch and dinner on the same day makes me a bad mother. I think, now that we’re on day four of peanut butter and honey, I might be crossing into bad mother territory. So maybe I’ll have Spouse make dinner. Know what he’ll make? Peanut butter and lemon curd.

Hey, I know it’s not wise or thoughtful to stick my baby in the swing so I can take a business call. I never thought I’d be that person. We wore Peanut every hour of every day. Poor Butter is only in arms or sling 23 hours a day. And I feel retched about it. But don’t judge me. It was a quick and productive call (not one thing about parenting is quick and productive) and he didn’t even fall asleep in the swing. Alert little bugger, that one.

Don’t judge my late night stupidity, either. I woke after midnight for the first early a.m. feed and found Butter and his little co-sleeper bed soaked. Thoroughly drenched. Confused in part by the dim light and placement of the wetness, grogginess made me absolutely useless. He was wet everywhere, front and back, neck to waist. Did he puke? Wet through his doubled cloth diaper? There wasn’t anything near his face, and his pants were dry. I stripped him down to his diaper and nursed him while pondering. And then I changed him. The diaper was bone dry, except for the waistband. I had apparently diapered him pointing up rather than down, and he peed all over his chest all night. What do I know…I don’t have that optional and ridiculous equipment.