Peanut University

Things I learned today:

A small child galloping through the house shouting “I’m helping; I’m helping” is absolutely irresistible. And probably not helping.

When a flashlight is pointed directly at a fetus in utero, the thing squirms as though it’s never seen light. This does not surprise parental units, but older siblings experiencing this find it hilarious.

If you explain to a three-and-a-half-years old person that you REALLY hope nobody teaches the cat how to open the bedroom door, and he asks why, and you tell him because the cat doesn’t know how, he will IMMEDIATELY think to teach the fetus. And he will explain to the fetus, incessantly, how to open a door, ending every lesson with “and then get into bed and cuddle mommy and daddy but don’t jump on the bed.” I guess those instructions are now part of the canon, repeated as they have been every morning for nigh on two years.

Here is how to build a ben: (Yes, before I give you the instructions, it’s *ben*. Took us almost 15 minutes to figure out what the hell he was saying, asking him if he meant bench or bin or is there another way to say this and no I don’t know how to build one but I’ll help if you can you just show me?)
Spread out all the long sleeve adult sized T shirts on the living room floor. Allow approximately one cat-sized space in between each “so we don’t have any dammits when the cats walk across the floor.” Take the sticks you collected the week before (you just ONLY use rain soaked sticks) and layer them on the shirts, weaving a perpendicular pattern until all the sticks are gone. Then add some rocks from the collection your mother didn’t know you had in your dollhouse. Leave the results out until you “need” to have cocoa, then bundle each ben in a heap on the couch until after nap, when you build them all again.

This University-level education has been brought to you by Peanut University: The Leader in All Things Bat-Shit Insane but Kind of Funny Nevertheless.

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