Roller coaster 

I do, sometimes, wonder if I’m mentally unhinged. 

Well, not mentally. Emotionally unhinged. I’m pretty okay mentally. 

But on a functional level, I am a professional maker of molehills into sizeable hikes. I am wont to speak in hyperbole, hypothesize in worst case scenarios, and react in outsized proportions. 

 

see the moon? huge vs. tiny is about perspective, of which I have little

 
But my feelings are real, so I try not to tell myself that they’re wrong. 

Even though they’re totally wrong. 

Today included a talk with my son about behavior I anticipate will lead to a career in crime. I talked to colleagues about a mass layoff that begins tomorrow. I spoke with a pediatrician who, in filling in for our regular doctor, actually laughed at my concerns and asked me what’s wrong with me. And I talked the babysitter of the ledge when my kids were fighting about the packing material that came in a box delivered (and opened) last week. 

I should be exhausted. And grouchy. 

I’m not. For now, there a cat on my lap, a book within reach, a cup of hot water, and a quiet house. 

So is it a mood disorder that I’m not stressed right now? That I notice the calm and warmth of cat and steaming mug? That I’m willing to forget the day’s roller coaster? 

Maybe. 

  
Maybe not. 

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8 thoughts on “Roller coaster 

  1. Sometimes in the most hectic times of my life i’ve felt less stressed than I should have. I like to take those moments as grace, and know the small moments of peace are just preparing me for the stormy moments when I actually literally do come unhinged.

    I hope that you rest in that today and soak in a moment when you know you should be deeply upset and… you’re not. That’s a grace moment. It may last an hour, or five minutes… but it’s nice even when you feel a little mentally disturbed for not being mentally disturbed :P

    • You know what’s interesting…I’ve all my life aspiring to a moment of grace, because it’s so different from my constant adrenaline pace. To me, the ability to exist with grace is a higher level of being. And I didn’t recognize the grace of that moment, but did notice how foreign it felt.
      I like grace. I’m gonna get me some more. ;-)

  2. I just think it’s the flow of life. The blessing is that you have these moments to regroup and gather your thoughts, for as long as they last. The fact that you don’t feel stressed after the kind of day/week you’ve had is a good thing, though your mind is aying games with you at the moment..:) relax and enjoy the moment..:)

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