No, no, I’m fine. You?

I’m not trying to blame the lows of my day on lack of sugar and crackers.

I’m simply saying that I packed my children’s lunch and gave an egg to only the one who likes hardboiled eggs. Rather on-top of things, I thought. But it was raw. Relatively useless as a protein source, especially since he tends to swing his lunch around and bang it against things.

I’m not saying that my  lack of focus today was based in my steely-willed refusal to indulge in my best friend: hot cocoa.

But I did get a scoop of raw almonds in the bulk bins and then walked off with someone else’s cart. And I didn’t notice until I had emptied half the cart onto the checkout belt. Well, okay, more honestly until the cart’s owner tapped me on the sleeve and sweetly indicated her chard and coconut and whatever else. And left me alone to locate my cart. You’d have thought it was clear I needed help. I thought about leaving the boring, dumb old groceries, since they were raw and healthy and lacking in sugar anyway, but I kind of needed to use a coupon before the end of the month.

I’m not blaming my spaciness on the fact that I used up all my attention and energy on fighting urges to eat caramel and then urges to murder anyone who would not give me caramel.

I’m just explaining that when my eldest, the sweet enigma who is so touchingly sensitive and brash and quiet and exuberant and like me and not like me, was telling me how he wrote a story at school in which good conquers evil with Briar-Rabbit-like trickery (despite not yet hearing any of those stories) I quite understandably sliced off the heel of my hand with a cheese plane.

He freaked, I calmed him. Because if you don’t bleed on the Wisconsin Sheep Dairy Co-op’s Dante, everything is good.

I didn’t make it through the day without sugar. I made cocoa. First I tried coconut milk, cacao nibs, and dates. If I had used cacao powder I might have been sated. But it just wasn’t enough. So I mixed fair trade, unsweetened cocoa powder, unsweetened almond milk, and raw, local honey.

And it was phenomenal.

There’s no way I’ll make Intentional Cocoa every day. Tea is easier. But it’s nice to have options. Because I can only pack hazardous lunches, steal people’s groceries, and slice off pieces of my hands so many times before I decide to go back to ordering gummy cherries by the case.


12 thoughts on “No, no, I’m fine. You?

  1. You’re doing pretty good, mama. I knocked off the sugar, in my own way. I no longer sweeten the coffee with sugar. that is huge. HUGE. I use soy milk, and that is it. so, yeah, we’re doing ok, me and you. but, yo, it’s hard. xo

    • But I was vicariously happy thinking of you with caramel in your coffee! :(
      It’s lovely how much sweetness soy milk brings.
      Something ritualistic like coffee has to change slowly. There’s no reason to cut off your hand to spite your…wait.

    • Most surreal thing that’s happened to me in years. Seriously started paying for someone else’s groceries. Who the hell does that?
      Me? I do that? I never woulda thunk it.

  2. quick from under rock: I quit gluten and corn in april. was already no dairy/low sugar/no chemical crap blah blah…. the difference in my joints is amazing and way less fog in brain. but it took a month and then even got better from there. you can do it. the first two weeks are the worst. try this, it’s good, my kids even love it. and baby steps, cacao powder and coconut milk is good, especially in a vitamix… frothy… mmmm.
    Raw Cacao Truffles by Tracy Flaherty-be well nourished. I triple it…
    3 pitted dates. 1 TBS raw coconut butter. 1Tbs raw cacao power. 1/4 tsp agave (I leave this out, doesn’t need it and then I don’t have to wash a 1/4tsp…). pinch sea salt. raw coconut flakes.
    put in food processor or blender, vitamix, and pulse until mixture is blended into a paste. roll into balls and then roll in coconut flakes.

    hang in, good luck. I am hoping we get to meet someday when our eldest sons are receiving some brainiac award for discovering or inventing or writing something… we will glance at each other, knowingly, when they thank their mothers….

    • I so desperately love that you skip an ingredient because you don’t want to wash a 1/4 teaspoon. (And yeah, after three days you shouldn’t need 1/4t of sweet.)

      I’ve been trying every non-sugar sweetener this week to see if I can hack this thing. If I stick with honey and agave and maple, I’ll be fine. But I think I’d really benefit long term from not sweetening.

      But then I’ll be arrested for murder.

      Lesser evil is clearly a little shot of agave now and then. Though not straight from the bottle like I tried today. That stuff is gross plain. ;-)

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