I drafted an email to friends announcing a big cream-soda-and-whiskey-float event for my birthday; then thought I’d try evite instead of a boring old sans-serif email.
So I searched. The only evites available for a Whorety birthday party are pathetic “40 and Fabulous” cries for help and “40 is the new 20” disgusting repudiations of age and wisdom.
Twenty sucks. Nothing should be the new twenty because once we’re done with that nonsense we should never have to go back.
Forty and fabulous? Shut up. Only those who fear they’re not fabulous, and who add twenty minutes to their already staggering ablutive rituals use phrasing like that. Forty and fabulous echoes in my cynical ears like something Ivana Trump would say. *shudder* I am fabulous at any age, you Hallmarkian manipulators of people’s insecurities. Geez. Evite is becoming the deodorant ad of the new millennium. “You stink and nobody likes you, but buy this and you might be approachable.”
So I searched evite for “midlife crisis” cards. Nothing. But their searchbot did offer to fix my typos. “Did you mean midnight Irish?”
Um, no.
At least…I don’t think so.
Wait. Is that a thing? Is that a party thing? Are the kids these days celebrating the midnight Irish? I could try to be midnight Irish if that makes me more cool than being 40. I mean, I’m Irish in the morning, Irish at noon, and Irish at night. Am I somehow party worthy if I’m Irish at midnight? Oh, dear, I need to become midnight Irish soon, because evite doesn’t think my midlife crisis is worthy of a party.
Maybe Irish at midnight the new twenty? Let’s all hurry up, then, and schedule a midnight Irish event.
(Related note: time to start using someecards for invitations.)
NaptimeWriting 
40.
Cher didn’t even reach her naked ass on a battleship PRIME till she was 40.
xo
RIGHT?!
The powerful women we see in the media make me want to be 50. Really and truly. Right now.
I thought we banned cards? Send the email. I’m sure it will be much more interesting. Or, you can send a mass text like I did. Didn’t you hear? The Midnight Irish kids these days only send texts.
I would definitely only do evite. Not paper cards.
The Midnight Irish tweet, don’t they, instead of texting? I know they don’t facebook. Facebook is so Evening Irish.
LOL.
Thanks for the laughs. We need them! And totally. they totally tweet. They must, right?
They must. Or they do something I don’t know about. MySpace or something.
Funniest post ever. Do something fab so I can copy you and do it in July. Keep me posted.
I don’t have the energy for fab. Fab would be a carnival of 70s themed retro at my house. Fashion plates and Lite Brite and easy baked brownies.
Instead there will be adult beverages at a seedy bar. Because I’m old.
I’d rather be Irish at midnight than German at noon. Love you.
I think I’d rather be Irish at midnight than anything else at midnight. From the look of evite’s search engine, everyone else feels the same. That’s why Irish at midnight is the new mardis gras.
Am voting for *anything* at midnight being cool because I’m usually too tired to still be awake by then.
Happy birthday (early)! xoxo
Thanks! I don’t know that resisting exhaustion is cool. Let’s make being up early grading papers cool again! ;-)
Yes, please!
Since the style makers often visit my awesome blog for advice on what is hip and happening, we can consider it done. P:oof! Grading papers in the wee hours is what all the cool kids are doing these days. Want proof? Go check all the “grading papers at 5am” cards at evite.
Wait, just to clarify, I should have said “the other CK” above.
Don’t worry about it. Both the CKs are welcome in this ‘hood. Anyone who is confused is welcome to ask.
I find Evite oddly appalling every time I use it. It’s like they’re trying so hard to be white bread and inoffensive that it’s horribly offensive.
Am I making any sense here? I think I need some whiskey. With or w/o cream soda.
You’re making plenty of sense. And I agree.
But you still need whiskey and cream soda. Dr. Brown’s. I’ll make you one.
“I am fabulous at any age, you Hallmarkian manipulators of people’s insecurities. Geez. Evite is becoming the deodorant ad of the new millennium. “You stink and nobody likes you, but buy this and you might be approachable.””
DUDE. Put that on a card and send it out. When I read that I laughed so hard yesterday’s latte came shooting out of my nose like a geyser.
PS Happy happy birthday, mama. I really wish I lived close to you so we could make your Fashion Plate, Lite Brite, Easy Bake Brownie party come true. Now, that’s my kind of party for realies. xoxooxoxoxoxo
Happy to cause your dairy-and-coffee based sinus pain. It’s my favorite howdydo. ;-)