The Bright Side

You know the upside of having kids shift their internal clocks for summer, going from 7pm-6am mostly asleep to 9pm-5am barely asleep? Absolutely nothing. Sucks rotten eggs.

You know what’s funny about being in the car while one kid screams, “Stop looking out my window! Look out your own window!”* while the second kid just stares across the car at nothing through his brother’s window? Again, nothing. No benefit at all.

*technically, he shrieks, “Peanuh! No look me weendoh! Own weenndoh!”

Wanna hear the silver lining, for me, of children who eat their own weight in watermelon every day? Once you push aside the exorbitant cost of organic watermelon, the sticky pink drips everywhere, the moonscape yard in which every available square inch of planting space is waiting for watermelon seeds to grow, and the pain in the neck of washing and sharpening a huge knife twice daily, the good part is…I don’t know, something about lycopene and prostates. No silver lining for me.

Hey, have I mentioned the great part about having friends who happily let my kid play with their kid, the results of which are 1) happy kids, 2) happy friend who can basically ignore children playing well together and spend a couple of hours doing whatever they want to around the house, and 3) a blissful return to a time when my toddler naps and I have time to write? Well, I just enumerated them, so consider the great parts mentioned.

So the score, if you’re playing along with our Fantasy Humanity League, is Summer 225, Me Infinity. (It’s new math, so let me give you the formula: annoyances are one point per day and time alone in the middle of the day is infinity points.)

How’s your summer score looking? Not that you keep score, of course. But if you did.

17 thoughts on “The Bright Side

  1. I was going to suggest that you could get the most out of those expensive watermelons by pickling the rinds. Then I remembered that three posts ago you put your foot down about taking on crazy new projects. So I won’t suggest it. :-)

    • Matt, had you suggested it, I would have added it to the list. Thank you so much for keeping that “should” off my list.
      [Seriously? You can pickle the rind? I should totally do that! I love anything pickled, have a friend canning stuff right now, and…hey, wait a minute.]

  2. I love math. Favorite subject. But I just can’t seem to get the formula right on this one without sounding completely negative. Let me re-work the problem in a week or so. Or maybe 5 and a half when Z gets his cast off. By my current calculations, Summer is kicking my hot little butt. (by “hot” I mean temperature, not sexy…my bottom is definitely not sexy)

    • I have some advanced calculus from college…let’s see:
      Every broken bone: ten points, casts that involve more than one body part: five points per day; national ad using headband: ten points, unbearable heat: one point per day.
      Summer 295, Emily 10.
      Yeah, you’re screwed. Any chance you’ll score a point a day per cute kid? Then Summer outscores you by 145.
      Any George Clooney dinner dates in your summer plans? Cuz that’s 150 right there.

      • L.O.L.!!! Since my post, it has become my favorite acronym. Also, I thought it would be fun to make a naptime/motherfog pet peeve sandwich.

        As for your math. Well calculated.

        As for date with George, I was scheduled to be in LA for a gig from last Thursday to this Monday and was lucky enought to work in a dinner-date with Mr. Clooney. Due to my son’s broken bone, I had to cancel the whole trip. Summer is still in the lead.

        (only half of that is true. I’ll let you guess which half, but the fact of lost employment alone may win Summer even more points)

        I may have to wave the white flag this year. I give up.

  3. Summer: Five million (DEGREES) Me: Ten (for still managing to get out of bed and keep my kid fed and alive all day)

    I would never, ever deliberately be end stages pregnant in the summer again.

    I am, however, enjoying the watermelon as much as my son is, so I wouldn’t put that in the negative column.

    • Kristin, there are no numbers to approximate the sensation of being enormously pregnant in the summer. you get bonus points for bravery.

  4. Interesting. My sleep pattern has gone from normal bedtime to normal waking (say 9:00pm to 7:00am) to 11pm bedtime and 10am wake-time. I think I’m getting the shaft on this one. I’m off to work and have no ability to enjoy the extended sleep!

  5. subWOW took the words right from my mouth….only I’ll share with you how my then-3-yr-old used to say it, “In free and yon!”

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