Ok, 2012. We’re going do a few things differently around here.
First? The list of resolutions. But for 2012 I’m making resolutions for other people. I’m tired of writing out the same list for myself: write more, read more, exercise more, eat more veggies, be more patient with my kids, drink more water, make progress on all 27 projects, declutter, and make better financial decision. Further, the same items on last year’s FINISH list (must finish editing my novel, must finish reading the insanely high pile of books by my bed, must finish arrangements for my acapella group, must finish donating all the junk we don’t need, must stop buying more junk we don’t need) are back on this year’s list.
Which means my list is already done. The list of resolutions, not the list of things to do. That one seems to never even dwindle. The point, though, is my resolutions are already set and being attacked with ardent fervor. Right now, in advance of the deadline, so way to go, Me.
That, in turn, means I have copious time and energy (and expertise, quite frankly) to make a list for everyone else. Because the slackasses ’round my house don’t know a good to-do list if it walks by and nags them to do things.
So.
Peanut: in 2012 you will continue to make progress in the “use words not hands at home” and “actually use words at school” categories. You will lose the nasty attitude in which you hiss answers to my questions in full Medusa face-writhe. And you will keep the adorable amount of affection you show your dad and your ability to create entire worlds out of tape, sticks, and magic marker.
Butter: in 2012 you will continue to make progress in the “use your words rather than screech” and “give mama a freaking break” categories. You will lose the nasty habits of pulling my hair and biting when you’re mad, and you will ditch the compulsive need you have of throwing to the ground every single thing you see. You will keep the “Mama mama mama” song with which you put yourself to sleep, and the “mama mama mama” song with which you serenade me, tiny hands locked ’round the back of my neck, when you wake in the middle of the night and want to come sleep in my bed.
Spouse: the Interwebs are neither the time nor the place to tell you what to make progress on, ditch, and keep. But I have a list. Stop by and I’ll share it. Know this: there are things on which you should continue to make progress, things you need to abandon, and things you have to keep doing. That is all.
So while we’re on a roll, what do you resolve someone will do or not do in 2012? We all know what we want to fix in ourselves. Let’s fix the rest of the world while we’re here.
Suggestions for any sentient beings welcome below.
NaptimeWriting 
unicorn: you will continue to make progress on the home gym, even if that means working out with a cookie or five in your mouth. you will also continue the anti-packrat agenda you set for last year’s resolution. you will lose the bad habit of hitting the snooze umpteen times, then having to hoof it into high gear out the barn. you will keep up with not buying shit, and finding things to do or grow instead. you can improve your savings to meet your hurdles for this year, including homestead purchase.
How about this one:
Congress, you will stop every single thing you’ve been doing. You will listen with an open mind to colleagues and constituents. You will compromise and realize you’re not children and *nothing* goes your way all the time. You will protect those who cannot protect themselves and you will quit coddling those who can protect themselves.
Perfect! I love this idea. And your Congress list? Love it, love it, LOVE IT!
Awesome, just awesome, Nap. And “slackasses” = my new favorite word
And Unicorn, *with* a cookie in your mouth? That’s my kind of workout.
Jane and Ink. Friends. Give me a list. I want to change the people around you for the better. In my spare time.
Let’s roll.
I’m not sure sheep really count, but to the sheep: Resolve to knock it off with the breaking out of the pasture and strolling in the road, which results in some embarrassing encounters with motorists and neighbors. Also, quit rushing me when I go into the pasture to feed the chickens. You are sheep, not chickens. Stop eating the chicken food.
Kristin, sheep *totally* count.
“You are cows and chickens. I demand milk and eggs.” You are sheep. You stay in the pen and eat your own food.
Awesome.
Unemployment numbers: you will go down–way down–and stay that way until my children can say to their children, “I remember way back when I was a kid and the adults kept talking about a recession.”
Hubby: You will go to sleep at a normal time and get up every single morning without having someone kick, pinch, yell at, or push you out of bed.
(And just because dreams are free)
Tenure track jobs: you will find your way to every contract or adjunct worker who is looking for you. You will pay buttloads of dollars but only require a 2/2 teaching load. You will do this not by leaving people already on TT, but by creating new friends.
Students: you will come to class, hand in work on time, smile and amaze your professors with your brilliance (instead of your buttwiped-ness).
@Steel Magnolia sweet lady, you were hiding in my spam folder for a week. So sorry I didn’t rescue you sooner!
YES to the economy resolutions, YES to your hubs being a grownup about bedtime, HELLYES to tenure track jobs for all, and DAMNSKIPPY to students. Can we add semesters completely free of cheating in perpetuity?
Daughter C, you will be more assertive (with words, not feet) and confident of your many abilities. You will keep loving to read and draw and dance around the house. You will keep caring.
Daughter S, you will be less sensitive, your feelings will be less big, you will develop volume control in all things. You will be supportive of people, more empathetic, protective of smaller beings.
Oh yeah, and hubby, …
Chickadee, I have one whose feelings are too big for this world, too. Unfortunately, I was that way, and got the message loud and clear (and internalized) that I was too much, so I sincerely hope I’m able to make him feel that his too much is actually just right.
Doubt it, because it feels like too much to me…but I can try my best every day.
*cows and hens. I knew I was misremebering that line.
You are cows and hens. I demand milk and eggs.
My 4.5yo will no longer act like a teenager yet pretend to be unable to do the simplest things, like put on shoes or find the cup 6 inches in front of her.
My 6.5yo will lose that soul-slashing nasally whine he picked up this year.
My Husband will find the hamper.
The universe will resolve to (finally) give me enough money to live on so I can not feel guilty about doing something like take a weekend vacation alone.
Hubby will stop smothering me. And so will the kids. But they will continue to be there for me when I need them.
In other words, the world will finally revolve around me doing what I want. It’s selfish and probably shouldn’t happen. And won’t.
@Let Me Start….Yes. YES. And yes! Let it be so.
@Fie…seriously, it’s time for that. It’s not selfish. Wanting some space and some love is not the world revolving around you; it’s a personality type and you should wear it with pride. May 2012 grant all these things and more to you.
I decided that maybe I should ask for some time alone, since I’ve been bemoaning my fate so much lately. Oddly enough, I’d forgotten that I had a travel voucher good for 200 dollars off a flight. So I talked to hubby, and he agreed that I could use it to visit my CA buddies. Awesome. I guess sometimes you just have to ask and you get what you want. Sometimes.
Yay! Fie got what she asked for.
You see, blogosphere? It’s possible!