To: unsubscribe@Internet.earth
From: naptimewriting@grouchy.com
Subject: Unsubscribe
Go away. Leave me alone. I don’t care about your sale or your pending legislation or your opinion about things or your new address or your recent newsletter. I don’t want prophesies or doomsday or light reading or forwarded jokes. I do not want your daily deal.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
If you send me another announcement about a sale or a bill or an opinion or an address change or a newsletter or anything else that stares at me from my inbox and tells me I’m missing out or uninformed or need to be doing something, I will glare my magical stink eye and I will crash your server. Forever and ever until the Interwebs are dark, amen.
You may send me good thoughts and joyous greetings that do not hit my inbox. You may smile or nod or wave. In person. You may always comment on my unnecessarily verbose blog. But you may never email me again.
That is all.
Oh, wait…
UNSUBSCRIBE!
Go away. Leave me alone. Stop talking to me electronically.
(Not you, readers. The auto-e-blast-sender-bots.)
—-This message originally sent by naptimewriting June 29, 2011. Unsubscribe.—-
NaptimeWriting 
If they only knew just how big our penises already are!!!
Then of course, like a cat, I came running…
This reminds me of something I found and loved today because oh I feel the same way:
http://realizingradley.tumblr.com/post/7045931902
What saddens me only slightly more is that much of the email spam used to spill out of my real mailbox at the end of my driveway. I smile a little as I hit delete thinking that at least they didn’t kill a tree to tell me I could have a giant penis in just days…
I am so glad I’m not getting the spam stuff, too. I get the goddamned “sorry you donated to a good cause because we’ve given your email address to every good cause on the planet” emails, the “hey you bought a thing once from that place, so now we’re sure you love buying things all the time from places all over” emails, and the “hey, we once did business so now you’re forever going to hear our thoughts on every issue known to woman” email. And they must all shut the hell up.
Dude, I am so there. I never check my real email any more because of all the crap I get in there.
The funny thing is that my husband swears that when you hit unsubscribe, you automatically get on some other spam email mailing list. Which of course, makes total sense…How else would you explain all the crap in my inbox.
I would like to unscuscribe.