On the record

Okay, it’s official. I’m going to go way out on a limb and proclaim:

Fourteen hours a day (every single day) with small children is too much. But at least it’s not sixteen.

Five years of fourteen hours a day with small children (three of those years were actually sixteen hours a day, which is how I know fourteen is an improvement), with ten days total away (ten days of one thousand eight hundred and twenty-five, which is 99.45% work days) is too much.

Four years of major sleep disruptions (waking at least every three hours, generally more) is too much.

Further, seared polenta topped with goat cheese and marinara, followed by sliced beets and goat cheese glazed with balsamic, followed by honey on goat cheese is too much.

But just as I wouldn’t change the reasons I have had only ten days off in five years and haven’t slept well and haven’t had a complete thought to myself in I can’t remember how long…just as I wouldn’t change those decisions, I wouldn’t change the cheese addiction, either. Given all the legal and illegal coping mechanisms out there, cheese is at least a decent source of protein.

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17 thoughts on “On the record

  1. Cheese is most definitely the way to go. Even just the plain old melted-on-toast or no-time-for-melting-on-toast varieties do it for me, but your gourmet options sound delish.

  2. Cheese is much better than some of the other coping methods out there. And what you described sounds delish!

    I was actually thinking about you this morning. I know that you’ve mentioned that there are some days where you don’t get a shower, and I wanted to share my newest method of getting a daily shower. We have one of those tiny closet showers with a door instead of a curtain. For the last couple of days, I have been putting baby (almost 16 months) into the shower with me. I put a couple of toys on the floor and he dances around in the water and plays with his toys while I take a shower. Before I started doing this, I would normally shower during his nap time, which felt like such a waste of good alone time. But I hadn’t thought of any other method at that point. I’d tried showering with eldest when he was a baby, but I held him the whole time, and it got slippery and dangerous. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to put him down with some toys. Anyway, I just thought I’d pass along my new method of guaranteed showering on a daily basis. Baby loves it, and I don’t feel like I have to rush. In fact, he’s usually pissed when I turn the water off. So the longer the shower, the better for him. Plus, he gets rinsed off from breakfast, which is a bonus.

    I wish I had thought of this six months ago and not wasted all that precious nap time. I highly recommend the baby-in-shower method!

  3. PS – I learned on the first day to make sure that I was between baby and the door. He figured out quickly how to push the door open, and fall on his tummy. Ouch! But now that I’m making myself a barrier to the door, it’s going really well. This might be harder with a full-sized bath with shower curtain, but if your baby likes playing with water, maybe he’ll be distracted enough by that not to tear the curtain down.

  4. Oh Dudette, how I know the food torture. Those fucking sliced beets would break the back of any meal and send any frazzled cheese-starved body into oblivion. And I’m limited to non-aged cheese! THE HORROR.

    Lesson: Take the cheese, leave the beets.

  5. When in doubt, you can always turn to cheese.
    That said, I feel your pain with the no-sleep phenomenon. I just keep telling myself that even though it sucks now, my kids are very lucky that they need so little sleep. They’ll be so productive when they are grown. Right now, they just make we want to eat more cheese.

  6. The only way the cheese would be better is with wine…ten days off seems hardly humane, and sounds a bit like exploitation, if you ask me. No wonder you can’t keep a thought in your head…That kind of sleep deprivation is a human rights violation for war prisoners as declared by the UN and Amnesty International! Shouldn’t mothers have the same basic rights?

  7. Fourteen hours? I should just shut my mouth, I barely put in ten.
    But my husband limits my cheese consumption and imposes rules on how many varieties we can have at once in the house. Barbaric co-parent.

  8. PLEASE LINK TO IT. IT’S CHEETASTIC!!!!! CELEBRATE YOU!!!!!
    (I had a little congratulatory announcement over at my place but took it down because I started thinking hey, that’s her news. But I am so happy for you, blogsista.)

  9. Oh dear. I have cheese envy.
    My fridge only yields low fat cheddar thanks to the doctor who suggested I alter my cheese coping strategy in the interests of cholesterol control. “Find something else,” he said.
    Well, I tried howling at the moon, but that didn’t help, so I turned to alcoholic beverages instead. Who else can say that their doctor gave them no other option by to drink, hey?
    But in the end I have found that nothing gives you that warm, slow, decadent feeling that divine cheese can. Nothing.
    So cheese on…

    And let me know when the sleepless nights end, because at three years into it I’m thinking that shares in a local cheese company might be my best bet.

  10. Melissa, I like your perspective. ;-)
    Karyn, it’s only interesting in the first two dishes. By the time I was overloaded, goat cheese seemed downright pedestrian.
    Macondo, cheesy toast is the finest meal on the planet. End of discussion. Except if you want to discuss placement of tomatoes. Then I’ll open it back up.
    Kitch, cheese rolls the day before. Ran out. Too tired to leg it over there. (NB: New house much closer to crack cheese rolls. Expect a lot more of me in the future. I’m guessing 10lbs.)
    Fie, I’ll try it. We have a walk-in so he might just leave, but I’m willing to try. It sounds delightful.
    Ink, as always, you’re a genius. Cheese on a meal I didn’t make would be effing perfection.
    jc, I thought of you as I posted. I wondered if you could have any cheese and felt sad if you couldn’t. No aged? Ugh. No beets? Ugh. I love me some golden beets. But I’m bereft of bacon, so I need something in my life. Sugar disguised as a veggie is as close as I’ll get, I guess.
    Cool Whip, I’m guessing I an ounce of cheese every day for every hour of sleep lost. I’m gonna be 300 lbs if they keep sleeping this little.
    Maria, I couldn’t have said it better myself.
    Faemom, Hour Eight is rough. Hour Ten is my lowpoint. Hour Twelve there is always yelling. Hour Fourteen I’m running on fumes. But when it was Sixteen, I muddled through, probably with all the above milestones set two hours later. I guess we just do what we need to survive. Where’s the cheese?
    Yuliya, I would honest to Saturn leave a partner who limited cheese in *any* way. If Spouse even looks at the cheese label for a price I throw a tantrum. Don’t freaking stand in my freaking way. I don’t care if that *one* was $20/pound. I needed it.
    Nadine, if I weren’t so tired I’d find you all the articles that show food is not a primary contributor to blood cholesterol. Eggs are fine, bacon is fine, and cheese is fine. When you have a spare moment (bahahahaha right) go search it. I’m serious.
    [jc and Ink I’m blushing.]

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