“you had me at obstructionist. or licking, i can’t remember.” —Norm, 7/27/2009
“Norm, don’t lie. I had you at brownies.” —naptimewriting 7/27/2009
Finding the prescient comment from j over at 20-20 made me think I should go through a greatest hits of your comments. We’ve had more than 3,500 comments on 600 posts here at Naptime Writing (come on, is that all, with 54,000 views? 6%?), and here are some faves…
“I’m with my 3 year old 14 hours a day. Which explains a lot about me. Is 8am too early for a cocktail?” The Kitchen Witch, empathising with us 4/24/2009
“no one makes pica as appealing as Gabriel García Márquez” —ck from badmommymoments 10/28/2008. Sure most of our dialogue is about motherhood, but we’re all literate ‘n’ shit, too.
“I still think you need to make Pudding Day every Day!” —Faemom 6/13/2009. One of her favorite (and most compelling) rallying cries. See also 8/6/2009, 10/02/2009,
“I’ve pretty much said, “screw it” and started a therapy fund instead of a college fund for my three!” —Jenn the Great 5/08/2009 introducing what is, increasingly, my parenting philosophy
“It is surprising that we continue to procreate when it is accompanied by such crap.” —Lanita 4/05/2010. Well said.
“Maybe it’s kind of hard-ass of us, but when our kids whine and cry for things lately, we just tell them over and over that we don’t understand what they’re saying. It’s actually kind of fun sometimes (if, frankly, a little wrong) to make a big show of not understanding. “Why gracious me and mine, I so desperately want to help you get what you’re asking for, and my ears are just pricked and quivering to pick up what you’re saying, but all I hear is a high-pitched whining sound…”” —Daryl L. Houston of Infinite Zombies 2/24/2010 with one of many bits of advice commenters share that I totally plagiarize and use daily.
“:::And with the passing of time, the Bicycle that was the Basket created the world and all that was in it. The Basket created the world and the Bicycle created the world; human beings and plants and animals and peanuts created they as one.” —squadratomagico 3/17/2010 on Peanut being full of goodwill toward prostheletizers.
“You know how some names sound OK on little kids but not on adults? I think Pretend Hitting might work for a while, but then you’d have to change his name to something more adult, like…Passive Aggression or Backhanded Compliment.” —Falling 1/27/2010 on Peanut’s proposed name for Butter
“Nobody spams me. Why not? I want spam. Especially Chinese spam. But not the kind that comes in a can, thank you very much. I don’t do canned meat. Even if drizzled in cream of potato soup or sprinkled with Parmesan cheese. (Two recipes that come highly recommended by SPAM’s current website.)” —Organic Motherhood with Cool-Whip, totally beggin’ for Valentine’s Spam 2/14/2010
“#2 will be different from #1 in every way that you can imagine. and i’m sure that you can imagine.
and you, as a parent of 2 will be completely different than you were as a parent of 1. this is much harder to imagine.” —Sarah 9/26/2009 with a classic I understood at the time and understand much more now.
“The baby? He’s deliciously good. Maybe your new one will be too. Even if he/she has colic, I bet the baby will seem easier than Peanut!” —Fie Upon This Quiet Life 1/27/2010; wow, these commenters are freaking e-tarot cards.
“People tell me that when your youngest reaches some variable age (4, 6, 25), life gets a lot easier and you can enjoy having kids a bit more because you actually have some time back to yourself to keep your own individual world afloat. I really hope so, because if I look objectively at what my life has become (much as I adore and even appreciate my beautiful children and all that), it’s pretty amazingly shitty.” —Kate from katesevolution 2/4/2010 on our favorite theme at naptimewriting (other than phlebotomy and glitter)…love the kid, detest the job
“I’m just going to assume that we’re all doing the best we can.
Not to mention that maybe our finger-pointing conversations should be directed towards the fact that fathers never have these kinds of issues with each other or with themselves.
And now I will go repeat these assurances to myself as I had a horrible mommy moment last night and need to pray that my children won’t eventually stab my neighbors.” —Steel Magnolia from EverythingOverRice 5/7/2009 on mamas judging each other.
“Occasionally impatient and perhaps even inept but deep and unstoppable love trumps indifference anytime.” —the brilliant JRB 6/13/2009
“Does he have any idea how peaceful I would find it to sit at a desk in an office with grown-ups walking by to chat and no one screaming at me about invisible boo-boo’s or empty sippy cups? I think I would like it. I would.” —Country-Fried Mama 1/18/2010 on my daily fantasy
“I had this little psychic flash about you that said (1) girl and (2) march 6. Then another flash said march 3. But one or the other. ” —Ink, 7/31/2009 regarding the boy eventually born 3/23 after two full days of labor. Don’t quit your day jobs, Inky.
“It will help me be a much better Dad for Critter knowing that other people out there have acknowledged how very, very craptacular a lot of parenting really is.” Dan Summers, the DFW-lovin’ physician we dearly miss here at Naptime (he moved to Massachusetts and dropped off our radar), on this blog’s keystone post Parenting Ambivalence.
“If acting like a 4 year-old girl didn’t involve princess dresses, time-outs and chocolate restrictions, I’d behave like my daughter too. I’m afraid she’d have too much fun if I did, though. And that is unacceptable.” —ck 7/28/2009
“Women with more confidence in themselves as individuals seem to more at ease with mothering. Women that strive for perfection, pressuring themselves to balance everything perfectly – right foods, right schedule, right activities – also seem to struggle a bit more.” —Sarah from Momalom pinpointing on 6/13/2009 why I am destined to fail at this craptacular job.
“I decided that parenting requires a tremendous ability to be inauthentic…. for example, “Oh, honey… it’s okay that you had a poop accident on the carpet. It was surprising! And then you stepped in it because you were running to get me, which was a really good choice” when inside it’s more like, “Oh fucking hell no! I can’t take it any more! How THE HELL am I going to clean poop out of our lovely wool wall-to-wall carpet. That’s it… I am officially giving up. Someone else can do this.”” —Dana 8/27/2009, on another touchstone to which I cleave during the tougher moments. “Dana smiled at poop; I can do this. Dana smiled at poop; I can pretend to enjoy this. Dana smiled at poop; remember not to eat off the floor at her house.”
“I am feeling much like an indentured servant lately, and I don’t need anyone else telling me that I’m not going a good enough job at it. The kids are asleep. Partner on the phone & watching sports and, yes, I am on the computer. And thank goodness, b/c otherwise I’d be folding laundry or stewing about how much I need to do and how I don’t have the energy to do it at night after the kids go to bed when it’s the only time of the whole, impossibly long day that I have to myself.” –Jen from Momalom 5/26/2009 on why seeking grownup interaction online is important.
“Unacceptable, Unacceptable, Leroy Brown.
Most unacceptable man in the whole damn town.
More unacceptable than elderly King Kong.
Less approachable than a dog who guards the place where people dispose of useful objects they should have freecycled but were too lazy to post on Craigslist.” —MPB being sassy when I noted that Peanut learned the word “bad” to my horror and chagrin. Do *not* reinforce MPB’s behavior by laughing. I will not have my blog hijacked by people who are more clever than I am. That’s what real life is for.
“Posting my thoughts and having people actually understand them keep me sane and happy. And THAT makes me a good mom. Most days.” –Gibby from Lost in Suburban Bliss, 5/26/2009 on writing and connecting with other moms online.
“And isn’t it true that almost four is often wiser than almost forty? My kids seem better equipped for survival in the world on a regular basis.” —BloginSong 2/23/2010 Yup, they do. Wish they’d parent me for a change.
“If I had been there, I would have run over and given Treadmill Boy a wedgie on your behalf.” —Not Drowning Mother having my back 12/09/2008 against the man who torpedoed my career
“staying home with my daughters, day in, day out, can be lively and exciting when things are going well, then turn to complete shit in as short a time. then i feel like complete shit. and i don’t get any money. and nobody thinks i do anything all day. motherhood has its rewards, which are infinite and deep, and i think it has just as many setbacks and frustrations. and doing your best, assuming you’re making a real go of it, is plenty. mothers are very hard on themselves, and society is very hard on mothers.” j from 20-20 on 9/15/2008, writing pretty much the synopsis of my entire weblog in one paragraph.
“I think the reason they drive us crazy is because they *are* in fact crazy-making machines.” —Ink 7/29/2009 I repeat this in my head every single day to keep me off the ledge. Or, rather, on the ledge.
“Shortcake rounds from the grocery store are hereby nominated for eternal banishment since Kitch thinks they’re twinkie knock-offs and I am convinced they are press and stick toilet bowl cleaners before the blue color gets added, sneakily.” —jc 10/13/2009 proving that urinal cakes can be funny and non-nutritive in one comment.
“We no longer perform circumscriptions in our office. It’s very difficult to get the kids to lie still, and we kept poking them with the sharp end of the compass.
However, I do think “The Circumscribed Child” would be a great title for your novel.” —Dan 2/22/2010, mocking for me the shockingly lame vet who darkened my tenth month of pregnancy when I didn’t even have the energy to rant.
“have you also noticed that in couples skating when the guy lifts his leg over the woman’s head it looks like he’s about to crap on her? Where do they come up with this stuff?” —Phoo-D. Timeless.
“The monster likes to create his own swear words, often amazingly achieving some Spanish/English bilingual-sounding insult-like results. Current favourites are ‘panco!’ and ‘chanchudo!’” —Mama in Macondo 2/26/2010 on my new kid-safe road rage words.
“You know, at the risk of this being a love-fest for all bloggers who are at the end of their rope, I totally get my therapy here, and having compatriots in the game of borderline-insanity-from-trying-too-hard makes every overwraught word I write worth it.” naptimewriting 12/30/2008 because you readers rock (and have for at least the two years I’ve been at this nonsense).