On a road trip this weekend:
Peanut: I wish I was the grownup so I could make the rules.
Mama: You know, I used to say that when I was young. And then I got to be the grown up, and making the rules is no fun.
M: Well, you have to make rules to keep people safe. That’s yucky. I want to play in the street, and jump in a car and drive off with no seat belt, and never, ever wear sun lotion.
M: But then I got to be a grownup and have to keep people like you and Butter from getting bonked by cars, so we hold hands in the street. And I have to keep you safe, so seatbelts and sunscreen. Dammit, I didn’t want to have those rules. But we have to. Dammit.
P: What else?
M: Well, I like to play with food and I want to play with food, but when I turned into a grownup I had to start cleaning up food, so I had to make a rule about no playing with food. Dammit.
M: And I want to be dirty and not take off shoes and blow bubbles in the house and climb the furniture and read and write and not cook and not clean and never listen to anybody. And I want everyone to stay up all night and never go to bed.
P: Me, too!
M: Yeah, well, I’m a grownup and grownups have to clean up dirty people so they don’t get germy and don’t make big messes because grownups have to take care of sick people and clean messes. Dammit. And grownups have to pay for furniture, so they decide pretty quickly we don’t climb on furniture, dammit. And you know what else?
M: Grownups learn that people who don’t sleep get grouchy and yucky and sad, so grownups have to make rules about going to bed. Dammit! Grownups have to listen to everybody but nobody listens to them. Dammit! Being grownup is just a big bunch of dammits! Dammit, dammit, dammit.
P: [laughing, then thoughtful] You can be a baby if you want.
M: Oh yeah?
P: Sure. You can be a Baby Mommy.
M: So you’ll carry me and feed me and wipe my bottom?
P: Nope. You have to do all that.
M: Well, dammit!
P: [laughing] I don’t want to be a grownup! Dammit!
Yeah, well, if you were, you totally would have seen through that little game. It’s fun to be your grownup sometimes, Peanut.