I was buying Spouse shirts for work and found myself winking at one of the models? I should mention I was online shopping and the model was kind of smarmy, in that Chet kind of way. Of course it’s not wrong. Because I was kidding, right?
Is it wrong that I wanted to gouge out the eyes of the guy next to me in the coffee shop who kept interrupting my work to make inane banter? Of course not. But is it wrong that I didn’t actually gouge them out?
Is it wrong that I told my kid to give his new doll a tour of the house so I could close my eyes for two minutes and not worry that he would be breaking something or, you know, demanding attention or something?
Is it wrong that I’m having dreams about the people on 30 Rock because thanks to Netflix, Spouse and I are actually watching (old) television programming most nights and these are the only adults in my life?
Is it wrong to eat the same food day after day after day after day until you get sick of it, then move on to another item-of-the-week? If not, is it wrong that I’ve moved to an almost-all ice cream diet? Of course not. Calcium and protein, right? Right?
Is it wrong that I sat in a salon for half an hour today, leafing through Food and Wine, just waiting to make an appointment for a haircut? I didn’t *have* an appointment. I wanted one. But Spouse was at home with P and I felt as though I had all the time in the world. And they had two new Food and Wines.
Is it wrong that the bathtub has needed new caulk since we moved in four months ago but that I still haven’t gotten to it? Will it be wrong two months from now?
Is it wrong that I fantasize about going on facebook and calling all those liars and posers on their b.s. about how perfect their lives are? Or to ask them when, exactly, they’re too old to post drunken pictures of themselves out with friends? Seriously, who the hell gets a sitter so they can go party? I’m pretty sure it’s wrong to use party as a verb after age 25.
Is it wrong that the week where my nausea was manageable I willingly took the wallop of exhaustion because it was better to feel unbearably tired than puke 5 times a day, but that now the barfing is back?
Yeah, actually, that one is wrong.