Well, the jinx is comin’ to roost

Peanut is being tremendously sweet lately. And willingly playing by himself. And helping around the house and being polite. And sleeping.

Which is probably why I’ve been unbearably nauseated for three weeks. If I’m awake, I want to puke. I give in more and more frequently, but even after succumbing, the need is still there, every waking second of every day. If I wake at night, it takes three seconds before I register, “Oh, crap, again?”

So, clearly I have a stomach ulcer or an inner ear cyst. Maybe it’s a tumor. I’m only four weeks late, so it couldn’t be THAT. It can’t be THAT. I have to be really honest, I don’t want it to be THAT. See that paragraph above, where P is being reasonable and semi-self-sufficient? So it can’t be THAT. I can’t have made it this to far to have it be THAT. I finished and submitted a novel. I’m getting client work. I can’t be in the black hole for another three years.

So I’m opening up a plea for nausea advice. The regular stuff doesn’t work. Empty stomach, full stomach, doesn’t matter. Please don’t say “just don’t let yourself get too hungry” or I’ll throw up. The “little bites of cracker all day” wind up tossed on my neighbors lawn when we go for a walk. Fresh air is clearly not the answer, for I haven’t been on a walk or run without making an impromptu pitstop.

For a couple of weeks, nothing but the sugar from my Glee gum stayed down before 11am, and anything before 1pm was dicey. Now it’s the reverse. Fruit and cereal might stay down in the morning, but after nap all bets are off. Back to the Glee. At no time does the desire to self-remove my stomach with a rusty grapefruit spoon go away.

Ginger (fresh or candied or tea or Ginger People candy) makes me puke. Sour juices make me puke. Tea makes me puke. Water makes me puke. Miso soup only stays down for a little while. Salt and vinegar chips help a bit but only at dinner. Lemon lollipops help a bit. Motion sickness bands may or may not help, but I wear them for at least 12 hours every day. just in case. A voodoo doll of Spouse is not helping anything. Bargaining with all manner of deity seems to have no effect. Further proof that other peoples’ gods care more about football than about my being able to take care of my kid.

So what to do? Help out a lady who has some sort of gall bladder disorder or inner ear tumor. Because clearly it’s not THAT. Back three years ago when it was THAT I subsisted on almonds and oranges and only wanted to puke all day and night. I didn’t actually void several times a day. Plus, back then I was tired. Now I’m not tired. Except for the whole haven’t slept much in three years thing.

I’m seeing a doctor tomorrow because clearly it’s some sort of intestinal cancer. I think I’m seeing an oncologist. Or something that sounds like oncologist. I don’t remember. I made the appointment a couple of weeks ago and they said I could wait two weeks because I have, like, nine seven months to live.

25 thoughts on “Well, the jinx is comin’ to roost

  1. (((((((Nap)))))) Are we still not saying what we’re saying here? :D

    Please ask the doctor for some anti-nausea meds because they have some that are safe for, um, gall bladdery ear infections.

    Hoping that YOU feel better pronto, sweets.

  2. Ohmigod! Dude!…collecting herself here…Wow, that is quite a big development.

    Was sick as a dog with Miss D. Here’s what worked for me, which may not work for you, but it’s worth a shot because what you’re going through is zero fun.

    I kept a bowl of peppermints AND a bowl of lemon drops AND a sleeve of saltines by the side of my bed. When I woke up, I played bowl/sleeve Roulette and just went with whatever seemed best at the time.

    I ate nothing but carbs the first 15 weeks. Mashed potatoes are your friends. Well, maybe not your ASS’S friends, but your tummy’s.

    Try very hard not to smell anything. Smells will send you to the bad place.

    Waiting anxiously for the results of your oncology appt.

  3. Ok, I’m praying it’s not THAT. And I’ve only been sick like that when I had THAT. It got worse with the second THAT. I ate mash potatoes like tKW suggested. I ate rice and butter. I ate scalloped potatoes for days. No wonder Evan hates them. I’ll keep praying to all manner of gods that it’s curable.
    P.S. If it turns out to be THAT, Sean slept through the night after two weeks, unlike Evan who was much like Peanut.

  4. Does that mean you were with inner ear tumor when you came over? No wonder you were eying my girls that way. Here all this time I thought it was because you were aghast at their behavior…

    The only advice I can offer is not to go to the beach. Nothing made me heave as violently during my second pregnancy as the sight of exposed man feet.

  5. oh lord. it is THAT, dummy. deny it all you want. but don’t do anything stupid before you figure out that it is really alla dat THAT. only four weeks late is the key to your ailments. you pee on a stick yet?

  6. i’m sorry. forgive insensitivity. and the bestest of wishes. try to think about what a big help the peanut will be to you. he will be. i just know it.

  7. @ck nope. I was not with pancreatic disorder back then. i told you TWO was the one thing all week that actually made me consider cultivating some form of parasitic tumor. Neither of the girls’ behavior horrified me. They were model citizens. Truly.
    @ink and melissa and kitch and fae thanks for the potential remedies. Will try.
    @fae thanks especially for the tale of one sleeper. Really. Thank you.
    @J Ah, lady I didn’t hear nuthin but luvin. You just want to know that it’s not TWO inner ear cysts, right?
    @Norm yes, yes, or giardia, methinks. Tasty.
    @MPB lmao because i woke up this morning thinking, “What was that line from Weird Science about the greasy pork sandwich in a dirty ashtray? Was that Bill Paxton? Was his name Chet?” Clearly, I woke up before Peanut or I would not have so many coherent thoughts.

  8. PS: And ignore the link in the two above posts. I was deleting the old Outside Voice blog and was still signed in. Oops!

    I think this actually does qualify as a commentastrophe. Stopping now.

  9. Oh my goodness! Got to love the universe for throwing you a curve ball like that one JUST as things are settling… not that it is THAT particular curve ball of course. Maybe it’s psychosomatic? Would being crazy be preferable to being THAT?

    I was dreadfully sick when it turned out I was growing a person (which you of course are not). The only thing that helped was eating something as soon as I woke up before I moved my head. So box of biscuits under the bed to be fumbled for whilst groaning was my solution. That would at least allow me to get up without puking, though inevitably it would still happen somewhere along the line. All that stayed down were fried egg sandwiches so that is all I ate.

    My best cure-all remedy? Well it magically disappeared about 20 weeks later. Funny that… So time. That was about all that worked.

    Hope your gyne… oops I mean ONcologist appointment goes well.

  10. Ok, so are you going to run home and tell us? Or are you going to keep us on pens and needles on our knees praying for you?

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