Okay, let’s get six or seven things straight.

Lady in the magenta cotton cardigan, black leggings, white T-shirt, and black Chucks? The 80s are over. Please get a new wardrobe.

People at Target who branched out from wine in a box to sangria in a box? Nice idea, and I would totally go for it, but the so-called natural flavors within are supposed to be fruit juice, not whatever nasty chemical concoction gave me the terrible hangover this morning. Your ideas suck and your sucky wine sucks you suckers.

Cats? Knock it off. That’s not funny.

Trader Joe’s? Kudos on the vegan products, dudes. LOVE the vegan jell-o. Heaven. Totally forgot how good gelled fruit mushiness could be. But I’m totally let down by the fake beef strip thingamabobbers. Stir fried that beef-less stuff with veggies. Gagged on the texture and picked it all out. Can’t anyone make fake meat that actually tastes and feels like the flesh of a muscle-y critter? No, of course not. Thanks for trying, I guess.

Small person who lives in my house and eats my food and more than necessary pokes me in the eye? Please top the bedtime bullshit. Sure it’s understandable for your age that after a move you’re all topsy-turvy. But see, I have less patience at the end of the day. Try out your nonsense at the beginning of the day and we’ll all get on better. I swear.

8 thoughts on “Okay, let’s get six or seven things straight.

  1. Bedtime. Argh. Even at it’s smoothest, I am going through self-talk scripts in my head the whole time. “I will not lose my patience. I will get more ‘water with an ice cube’ without harrumphing. I will straighten out the blankets one more time. I will turn up the lullabyes. I repeat: I will not lose my patience.” It’s a rare night that I don’t end the whole process, “OK. We’ll talk about it in the morning. … That’s enough. … I said, No More Talking.”

  2. 1) How the HELL do you move so quickly?
    2) Being poked in the eye builds character.
    3) I KNEW that was you pulling down that box of wine from the top shelf. I was going to walk over and say “hi,” and, you know, formally introduce myself. But I panicked when I saw your wine selection. Really? I mean it, NW. REALLY?

  3. @ink good to be back. I’ll be over to check your bloggeting in a minute.
    @ck I know, seriously? I’ve never bought a bottle of wine that wasn’t well reputed or well ranked or well balanced or well aged or, well, something. I don’t do well drinks and I don’t do boxed wine. But they called it sangria, man. I’m a sucker for sangria.
    Not raspberry cardigans, though.

  4. Did you really purchase a veg trying to act like beef and expect it to taste good?

    • @ Jenn the Great I know, I know. But the picture looked so good. And it was right near the vegan Jell-o…I can’t even justify it. Poor, poor judgment. I was hoping it would be tolerable. Last made that mistake years ago and regretted it then, too.

  5. 1) The 80’s are back, duh.
    2) It’s in a box. You should have known better. Sort of like the lasagna that came in the box without being refridgerated. Not a good idea.
    3) Cats are cats.
    4) Vegan meat? Really? That’s number two of things you should have known better, after the box wine.
    5) Go get a nice bottle of wine, drink it, and THEN deal with bedtime antics of the little person.
    6) You obviously haven’t been reading the newsletter dealing with said grudge lists; I ‘ll send it right away . . . along with my own list for you to make fun of ;-)

  6. First time at your blog….just yesterday I was wondering if I would look better in leggings this time around. Also, why do they poke us in the eye? What a nightmare. Great blog! I’ll be back.

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