Have I taught you people nothing?!

This morning’s blog stats note that someone found Naptime Writing by Googling “crutches make me nauseous.”

People, people, people. Or, really, person, person, person. Nauseous means making others sick. The smell of vomit is nauseous. When you smell it, you are nauseated. Or it nauseates you. Saying crutches make you nauseous means that using crutches makes you look so disgusting that people retch when they see you.

Is that true? Damn, I thought I looked a bit schlumpy on crutches, but I didn’t worry that people were hurling the contents of their stomachs into trashcans and gutters just watching me crutch by. That’s some serious problem you’vt there, Google reader.

Also, please read all my other grammatical posts. I’m guessing you put apostrophes all over the f—ing place.And you need help.

You know you do.

(btw, don’t turn to Strunk or White. Those f—ers don’t know their that from their which…love this piece in The Chronicle of Higher Education by linguist Geoffrey Pullum.)

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8 thoughts on “Have I taught you people nothing?!

  1. Thanks for that link! Here’s my favorite sentence of the day so far: “…19th-century authors whose prose was never forced through a 20th-century prescriptive copy-editing mill generally alternated between “which” and “that.” (There seems to be a subtle distinction in meaning related to whether new information is being introduced.) There was never a period in the history of English when “which” at the beginning of a restrictive relative clause was an error.” Hooray!

    And I don’t think you’re nauseous in the least. (That one bugs me, too. When I was pregnant, and pretty much ALL I could say was, “Oh, I’m so nauseated,” even doctors tried to “correct” my usage.)

    • Hey, Kitch, most people are undereducated and underwhelming. The correct word is nauseated. The backwards ride on the mass transit vehicle reeking of previously vomited beer was nauseous because it made us feel nauseated. The gross thing is nauseous. The person is nauseated.

  2. Great post. Great comment from Ink! I was so nauseated too, during pregnancy, and my doctor never corrected my grammar, but that could be due to the fact I was also bitchy. :-)
    Great link. Thank you for that. By the time I met Stunk and White, my grammar was imbedded by older linguistic books that they never ruled my writing, especially the which rule because I’m not big on writing “that” in my real writing. I remember thinking “nice rule, and moving on.” So does any one know a better grammar book for refrences? And does any one know why we can’t end a sentence with a preposition? I heard that the rule actually applies to Romantic languages, not Germanic.

  3. ah, my hilarious, nauseated ladies…
    Faemom, there is no rule that you can’t end a sentence with a preposition. There’s a rule that you should make sure it’s not confusing, and place the preposition closer to the words that need it, but most non-freakazoid grammarians agree that sometimes a preposition fits most easily into a sentence as its terminator.
    Same with split infinitives and dangling participles and passive voice (ugh, but still…) and all the other “abolutely not”s that you’ve heard. Make sure it’s clear, make it the least clunky you can, and move on.
    See there? A preposition just for you.
    Advice you can live with.
    (hey…they seem to come in pairs!)

  4. I am the biggest damn geek because I actually Hi-5’ed the air when I read that. Hahahahaha: I am right! F–you, Motherf—ers! The nauseated lady farts in your general direction! Awesome!

    It’s the small things in life that please me, obviously.

  5. Pingback: IJ quote of the day 37 « Naptime Writing

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