New Facebook Phobia

So I’ve always been leery of Facebook, what with the full-disclosure, “work life cross referenced with personal life,” “naked pictures of your kid online for all the pedophiles to find” kind of stuff.

Now I have a new reason to be afraid. (Not very, very afraid. Let’s be real, here. It’s just a Web 2.0 social networking deal-io. It’s not actually Orwellian. But I love me some melodrama. And I try hard to keep myself awake at night worrying about something, so it may as well be this.)

Tonight after Peanut finally crashed, I created my little Facebook world, happy to see friendly faces. Then I made the mistake of searching for old friends, classmates, colleagues. Ugh, what a terrible blow to the old (very, very old) self-esteem staying at home to raise world citizens can be.

The friends I used to admire, but with whom I held my own have impressive resumes and lists of degrees. But they have kids and PhDs. Or kids and careers. Or careers the likes of which I might have achieved if I had stuck with anything. But I’m a gypsy geographically, emotionally, artistically, and academically. I don’t stick with much, and the resulting resume looks impressive but feels thin. You know? And all the other hardcore, drive, self-defined brainiacs have their shit together. Even those who have kids.

So I could blame my lack of personal, professional, and intellectual development on the break I’m taking to raise a fully realized human. Or I can admit that I’m a lazy git who can’t stick with anything long enough to get impressive at it.

Me no likey Facebook. It puts the “what do you do?” shame of parties with full-time adults into my living room, where I strive to keep self-doubt at bay.

Didn’t I, just this week, blog twice about vowing to get productive, to unpack and finish two novels and get more freelance work and get back into shape and publish academic articles and get to work on applications for more grad school? Didn’t I?

Well, I organized my browser bookmark file. Does that count? Hmmmm? Does it, valedictorians and MDs and JDs and well-groomed, perfect people with whom I can’t bear to be Facebook friends because you intimidate me now, even though I only barely admired you considered myself a peer way back when?

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5 thoughts on “New Facebook Phobia

  1. I feel this post, I really do.

    I love/hate facebook (and before that, MySpace) for the same reasons. I want to know what everyone’s doing, but then I want to poke my eyes out after reading about it.

    I often wonder what life would have been like if I pursued writing full time instead of being at home…and then they wake up from their nap and I’m kicking myself for wasting my free time thinking about something I’ll never find the answers to.

  2. Darling, breathe. We all get that way. I spent my summer working ever spare minute to reclaim our office from being a closet, only to turn around as see it becoming a closet again. And all the while my old roommate finished her MA degree and jokes on going for her MD, and my another friend just got back from a European trip. Nice. You’re doing good. little steps and all. :-) I’m not being to preachy, am I? Feel free to delete, if I am.

  3. I’m so glad you wrote this: I also joined FB recently, and I’m still sorting out how I feel about it. (In fact, I wanted to blog about it but I already linked the blog to my profile there, so it seemed kind of weird.)

    Hope you really aren’t honestly feeling down…though I send you a *hug* if you are. As the great and wise Cervantes said, “Comparisons are odious”!

    It sounds like you have had a number of wonderful adventures, and I’m sure some of those people you checked out wish they’d had an adventure or two along the way.

    Congrats on the browser bookmark file. And everything else in its own time… :)

  4. How many of those laywers, doctors or whatnot are dying to roam around, be free agents, live a little?

    Ok, so maybe they’re not really dying to do that – but you have to find something you feel passionate about in your life. The energy, the will, the time will follow. And hey – it’s not an easy thing to find. But… look around! Chances are, though, you’re not going to find it on FB :)

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