Here are two tasty little morsels from today, which has been a never-ending stream of the same.
M: Do you want to pull the laundry basket?
P: No. [walks off and up the stairs.]
M: Are you sure you don’t want to help?
P: No! Peanut no want pull laundry!
M: [whatever, fine by me] Okay. [starts pulling basket and gets to bottom of stairs.]
P: [loses it, crying and stomping] Peanut want do it!
M: [not sure what just happened] Okay…
P: No Mommy do it! Peanut want do it!
M: I just said okay. Go ahead. You do it.
P: [Stomps down stairs, grabs basket, wheels it ten feet back toward the laundry room, turns, and wheels it back.]
M: Thank you.
P: Mommy no say thank you. [mounting stairs] Mommy no come up stairs. Laundry no come up stairs.
M: Mommy and laundry need to come upstairs.
P: [in stroller, on our morning run] Peanut want that playground.
M: [always fine with stopping the run midway] Okay. [stops the stroller]
P: [screaming] Peanut no want this playground!
M: [befuddled but also endorphined] Okay. We’ll run to a different playground.
P: Peanut no want different playground! Peanut want this playground!
M: [rethinking career choice] Okay. [goes to unbuckle seat belt]
P: [hitting M’s hand] No! Peanut no get out!
M: How will you play if you won’t get out?
P: Peanut no play! Peanut no get out. Peanut not ANY!
M: Should I keep running?
P: Mommy no run.
M: Your choices are playground or Mommy running.
P: Not any. Peanut want different playground.
Sweet Mary, mother of my cousins, I’m gonna chuck this kid out with the next bathwater we can successfully get him into.
See what I’ve become? that should have read “into which we can successfully get him.” Know what? Mommy no care. Mommy want to send Little Mister Struggle For Independence to live with the Doctors Sears. They won’t notice another kid, and they are less likely to try to safe surrender him to the fire department than I am.