Onebody, twobody, redbody, bluebody

Peanut, at the playground: Not anybody here….
Hey! Onebody here!…………….
Mama! Twobodies riding bicycles!…………………………..
Hey! Allbodies here is ladies!

The linguist in me loves this stuff.

Makes me want to dust off the letters of rec. and start working on a linguistics PhD this fall. Everybody else says have another kid. I say I have things to do and this one doesn’t sleep as it is. In fact, allbodies are up around 3 every, morning trying to convince onebody that human bodies need sleep.

Last night’s bedtime:
P: Peanut wake up at nighttime, say Mommy Mommy Daddy Daddy.
M: Mommy and Daddy need to sleep at nighttime. If you wake up you know you’re warm and safe and cozy, and you can see it’s nighttime, so you cuddle your doll and relax back to sleep.
P: If something hurt you, Peanut cuddle doll.
M: Yes, if something hurts you, your doll will cuddle you. What do you think imght hurt you?
P: Bees.

At 3am:
P: [screaming] Mommy! Mama! [crying] Something hurt you. Please, Mommy, cuddle.
M: Something hurt you?
P: Yes.
M: [suspicious that this is a ploy] What hurt you?
P: A lizard
M: [swallowing simultaneous urges to laugh and storm out] Well, tell the lizard to go home to sleep. Nighttime is for sleeping.
P: Go sleep, lizard.
M: Yeah. The lizard says it’s sorry for hurting you. It didn’t know you were sleeping. Sorry.

P: [lying down and grabbing doll] Peanut sleep at nighttime, lizard.

You tell ’em.

Next time by yourself, though, please. What’s up with this early-childhood, needing-help crap? Don’t they make two year olds who can handle everything by themselves? Where do I get me one of them?

3 thoughts on “Onebody, twobody, redbody, bluebody

  1. Oh, man, I can relate to this. Our two-year-old is always saying “I go sleep!” all night before actually going up to bed, like he’s planning to have the best snooze ever and then once we get up in his room, he’s completely not interested.

    Love the way you handled the conversations, and I hope allbodies get some good sleep in the future!

  2. Omg. Evan has just started sleeping through the night about two months ago, and he’s three. Not to worry or anything. I completely forgot this fact when I listened to my uterus and got pregnant with another one. Amazingly Sean slept through the night after the second week.

    But Peanut most be so adorable, when it’s not 3am.

  3. oh my god! why would anyone want to have more kids when you already have one — and he doesn’t sleep?! don’t listen to them, naptime! you’ll never get another nap as long as you live. i woulda only had one if i had my druthers, but you gotta take what you got given. luckily, i like my twins, but you never know who might come next, especially as a middle-aged mama. go for the new degree. i still haven’t lost my dream to get an MFA in painting. I SUPPORT YOUR PHD IN LINGUISTICS. keep up the good work!

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