Me: Peanut, get your shoes. We have to go.
5YO: Mom, we don’t have to go.
Me: Good point. We don’t have to. We should and I want to.
5YO: But I don’t. So I won’t.

***

Me: Butter, feet on the floor please.
1YO: [laughing] Nah nah nah.
Me: Feet down, please. Tables are dangerous.
1YO: [laughing, running for other side of table] Nah nah nah.
Me: Yes, yes yes.
5YO: Mom, you just told him yes to climb. That’s confusing him.

***

Me: Peanut, we need to clean this up before bed.
5YO: Well, we don’t need to. You just want to. So you do it.
Me: Well, I don’t want to play with it, so maybe I’ll just give it away.
5YO: No you won’t. We need toys.
Me: You don’t really need it. You want it.
5YO: No. You’re wrong. I need it.

***
You, young man, make excellent points. Now go make them to your new teacher, heaven help her.