Bio of a toddler

Meet Butter, our resident two-year-old.

His favorite activity is dumping things. Water, sand, popcorn, sun lotion, jars of pricey spices, salad dressing, rice milk, liquid soap…if it responds to gravity, he will watch it fall to the ground. Intermediary stops (such as a bucket, bowl, or sink) are tolerable for a few dumps, but then wholly unacceptable surrogates for the Mother of All Dumping Grounds: The Floor.

His idea of cleaning up is shoving things under the couch. He does this without being asked, but when prodded to help clean up he shoves fistfuls of anything he can reach under the nearest furniture.

His favorite place to sit is in gravel.

His favorite place to lie down is in gravel. Second place: sidewalk.

His favorite animal is a cow. He will gladly tell you about the time he was feeding a calf celery and forgot to let go and the calf bit his finger. Gently. But it hurt. But it got better. And now he likes big cows not baby cows.

His favorite color is yellow.

His favorite game is “Where’s Butter?”

His favorite snack is cream cheese. Right out of the tub. Thanks for the whipped organic option, Trader Joe’s, since regular cream cheese is hard to eat with a tiny Green Toys yellow spoon.

The only utensils he’ll use are tiny Green Toys yellow spoons and polka dot handled cheese spreaders.

The only comfort he wants when psychically wounded is draped on his mama with both hands entwined in her hair. Like an orangutan baby.

His favorite word is “no.” His favorite reply is “no.” His favorite shout is “NO!” His favorite question is “No?” And his favorite whisper is “no.”

His favorite outfit is naked. Gloves, hat, and oven mitt are optional.

He likes his food slightly colder than room temperature. Hot’s no good, warm’s no good, fresh from the fridge is no good. Even popsicles are asked to wait until they are two minutes shy of a puddle.

His favorite number is TWO!

Everything is two.

And now he is, too.

Happy birthday, you crazy delicious goofball love bug.

16 thoughts on “Bio of a toddler

  1. Their little preferences (manias *cough*) are so sweet and so frustrating. I keep telling myself they are because she’s finally able to _choose_, so she wants to _choose_ all the time. And then when I step back (like you have here) it’s so endearing and sweet and _her_. Happy birthday to all of you :)

    • @heather LOL at the “preferences”
      I have to do this cutey kind of thing or I’ll forget that he really is learning that he gets to control some things and my job is to allow as much as I possibly can without going ravingly insane.
      More ravingly insane.

  2. I love this post. It’s adorable to view life through the eyes of a toddler, no matter how messy. Happy Birthday to your sweetie! Great tribute.

    • Sheri, thanks for the nice words. I agree that everything little people do can be adorable, if viewed correctly. Usually with years of hindsight. ;-)

  3. Mr Butterfly would tip out e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. and happily tell me he was, “making a mess” – toddlers are very cute and lovely to snuggle with and that’s probably a good thing otherwise parents would go insane raising them!

  4. Happy Birthday, Butter! 2. Magical age. I must say, we are enjoying it very much. They seem to grow and change by leaps and bounds almost daily during this year. And perhaps every one after, but we have not yet gotten that far.

    • Ah, Emily, 2 is pretty awesome. From about 9 months to 3 years the changes are so freaking amazing…what their brains do.
      Older than 4 or so, the changes sneak up on you. sameness for a while then they say something amazing and you realize all the development behind it.
      But less throwing and climbing and screaming. Usually.

  5. Happy birthday, Butter! May you spend as much of it in the gravel as possible, you lucky duck.

    (Oh, and Butter: Good call on the cream-cheese-straight-from-the-tub thing. You are my kind of people.)

    • Well, Kate, he told me, in a post-interview haze, that you’re his kind of people, too.

      (Seriously, each human has hir own brand of weird, but this little dude shocks the hell out of me. The eldest and I want fruit and honey but have no time for the fats. Butter actually eats butter. Just sits (screams if you offer bread to go with it) and eats butter. Ditto cream cheese, which he is *much* more fond of. Butter is a gnawing kind of food. Cream cheese is…well, apparently you know what kind of food cream cheese is.)

      We will spend extra time in gravel driveways in your honor.

  6. Karyn, that’s exactly what I was thinking.

    And he is so so so so so so delicious.
    And so so so so so so maddening.
    At least delicious gets more modifiers. ;-)

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