And now we have ants.

Today? One for the baby book.

The ants go marching through our house, hurrah, hurrah
The eldest has some kind of flu, hurrah, hurrah
But I can’t stop to clean his hurls
Because his brother’s demon spawn in curls
And we all go marching
to bed, in their room
despite the claims of “too soon.”
[Next time please nap…]

The ants come marching from the rain, hurrah, hurrah.
The eldest’s head is in such pain, hurrah, hurrah.
But I can’t spend one second there
Because his brother’s climbed a chair
and is throwing all the trash
on the floor
scales the counter,
for some more.
[Just please get down…]

The ants come marching toward our food, hurrah, hurrah.
It’s easy given the toddler’s mood, hurrah, hurrah.
He throws his breakfast, lunch, and snack
His brother whimpers for some slack
As the mini-dude blows through
the whole place, scaling walls
like it’s space.
[Dear gawd the mess…]

The ants come marching in my house, hurrah, hurrah.
As a parent I feel like a louse, hurrah, hurrah.
Because the sick one needs me, sure,
But we had our first real tantrum here
And I now know that Two’s going
to be great for exactly
none of our fates.
[Run for your lives.]

16 thoughts on “And now we have ants.

  1. I’m studying for a test that the stupid teacher rammed shit down our throats this week and I will fail miserably tomorrow, as will the rest of the class. When dipshits teach for the damn test and they KNOW they’re not covering material at a pace the stus can keep up with, there will be shitty grades, and they ARE a reflection of TEACHING TO THE PHUCKIN TEST, rather than teaching the dogdamn material. CHILD LEFT BEHIND THE TEST HERE. She happens to have a PhD.

    I’m taking the class to learn, not to google every damn thing online after sitting through a “lecture” that’s nowhere on this planet. Why do I need a teacher then if I’m googling shit all the time that is not explained but hey, it’s on a test he already made up!

  2. S.u.c.k.s. I wish more professors taught the way I want to learn: give you a lot of info, leave doors and windows open for you to find out what you want, prefer papers to tests, and test only to make sure you’ve done some of the reading.
    Sorry about your impending and alleged failure. You and I both know it’s her failure, not yours.
    Still sucks, and only because it’s discouraging to the stus and nothing sucks more than stus who quit wanting to learn b/c they have crap hurled at them instead of laid out before them.

  3. Sounds just about what I am living, although youngest’s tantrums seem to be more manageable and sometime a wee bit laughable. I can’t tell you though how many times a day I have to tell him/ them to get down. I’m pretty sure I want to stamp my feet and just scream ” get down, get down, get the eff down!!!”. Could be the words to some cool new song….

  4. Giving up now. Oy vey. I hit max brain drain. I feel bad for the other stus. I was the highest grade for the 1st test. It wasn’t easy. The prof pulled the same crap last time, but I already knew alot of it. The other stus didn’t. I can bluff my way thru some of it. They don’t have a clue. I googled a ton of shit tonight, some of it that I found online is flat out wrong. Oh joy. I know it, they won’t. At least it’s not in Greek, literally, ahem. Or Latin. Or Pig Latin for all I know. We did do shit in German last week.

    I am keeping my eye on my BIG ball… I have to pass another test in a few weeks for my new job. It’s a biggie. No prisoners. No mercy. No horseshoes or hand grenades. Pass or Fail. Do or Die. Well, job or no job. The job is contingent on me passing. I’m taking an online class to help me through the material. Lots of memorizing, flash cards, and flow charts. I have to survive this month and pass. Then I’m home free. Career, no more moving for a while, and a life. w00t.

    Cross your cooking utensils for me.

  5. That’s hilarious! You are so witty. Sorry that Butterbean is being a mobile handful. And that Pea is hurling. Sounds like you are one busy ant.

    Unicorn, hang in there, sparkles. ((you))

  6. OH NO. And here I was feeling sorry for myself having ONE sick child who still doesn’t slow down or stop climbing and being sick myself (just with colds, though, no vomit thank GAWD). But this that you describe is maybe one reason I think to myself it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I couldn’t have another baby.

    P.S. You tell it well and with great wit, but man, I’m SO SORRY for you. And I hope something very nice comes your way very soon to make up for this unhappy interlude.

  7. your lyrics are what i will hear from now on when that song is being sung! thanks! lol! sorry for you right now but hey you still have your wit and humor and so you are a wealthy noblewoman!

    my aunt (ha!) says ants show up when you need to have more patience. but does the rain that drives the ants in know when patience is thin? is it like a majority rules thing? universe decides majority of earthlings in certain geographical area need patience by ants reminder so send monsoon? or does lack of patience and la nina always align? oh universe, science, weather….

  8. Test over. I just checked my grade. Over 100. I didn’t realize there were bonus. He must have played with the scores. It wasn’t as bad as the impossible practice test was, thank maude. Still, the other stus were screwed, and were not happy AT ALL at some of the questions. I only made a decent guess at them from my own experience.
    I’ll sleep when November gets here. Back to studying for that OTHER thing….

    Thanx Witchy. Hugs back atcha.

    • @Jen Oh, I’ve gotten close to the stomping “just get down” rant, too. Seriously, it’s dangerous, little dude. I’m not trying to take your fun. I offer you good climbing places and need you to knock it off with the bad climbing places. Please for the love of Pete get down. Thanks. Now I’m going to…I said get down. Yes, again. Thank you. Now let’s…get down. Please get down. Get. Down. [See, it’s become such habit I can’t even stop here, in the quiet that midnight brings…]

      @unicorn Job test will be a cinch because you’re way qualified and awesome and deserving. And because you are head and shoulders above the competition.

      @Kitchy Aw, sweets, it’s just a 13 hour day, right? Anyone can hold their breath and not blink for 13 hours. I guess. I burst into tears after 5 and passed out after 7, so I wouldn’t know.

      @Kristin your kind words made me a little weepy. But believe me, if I were sick and had my little climber running around like a flea on crack, I would be telling a different story. Having the 5yo incapacitated actually made it possible to keep the spaz in the house on a napless day (tending sicko forced us to stay home, which is the kiss of death with Taz). Hope you feel better, because the illness hangover makes it almost impossible to be gentle or consistent with them, at least for me. Hope you get something awesome and restorative soon. Like a sitter who wants to be paid in empty wine bottles.

      @Tara Your aunt is high. She’s one of those “everything happens for a reason” people. I’m one of those “when things happen, you’d better find a reason so you can muddle through” people. And the ants, in my book, bring an excuse to clean. Really well. While the kids kill each other and fall and make messes and do awful things. Because when else would I clean? While they sleep? Ha!

  9. Greetings from one sick house to another. Two of my three are down and out, but it’s coughing sick not puking sick so you have my deepest sympathy.

    Here’s hoping for healthier days ahead!

  10. Hi, Kristen! We really only had two pukes, and it’s only because he pukes every time he has a fever. Usually at night. And without fail a second time after I’ve brought him into bed with me to avoid cleaning up the puke at 2am.
    Sorry you have two sickos. Hope nobody else gets it and that when two are down they’re sleepy and quiet for a day. That’s awful to say, but it’s my wish for every parent: that once every quarter or so their kid is sleepy and quiet and miserable enough for a cuddle-and-books-and-soup day. Since mine never stop, fevers are secretly welcome. I just didn’t foresee having to chase one while the other wilted. I always thought my primary maternal job was to comfort and nurture and tend to ill children. And I didn’t get to because the adorable little safety hazard is unstoppable.

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