I shan’t be able to ban things like tantrums or sleepless nights, though I’d like to. Too easy. When I am Queen, bad behavior will still, alas, have to be beaten out of our foes and children.
But while I’m planning my world domination guidelines, I need your input. What would you ban or mandate?
When I am Queen there will be no:
- single-serving packs of cookies or crackers
- pesticide or herbicide
- High School diplomas granted until candidate proves mastery of the apostrophe (and clear grasp of scientific principles but let’s get punctuation first)
- leaf blowers or gas mowers
- car alarms
- cell phones (yeah, yeah, blah, blah, in *my* day we did just fine with pay phones for emergencies. you gotta problem with it, *you* get yourself anointed Queen. tough to do on my blog, but go ahead and try.)
- Electoral College
When I am Queen every soul on the planet will have:
- clean water
- Charleston Chews, chilled if they find that pleasing
- free, good health care
- something in their lives they find beautiful
- safe food
- a quiet room all to themselves whenever they want it
- au gratin potatoes
- a magic leak-proof pen that appears whenever they need it, where ever they are.
I know I’ve forgotten to bestow or ban something…please, dear advisors, point out my oversight.