The defenestration of Berkeley

Wanna know how off-the-charts bad today is? Mid-morning I taught my three-year-old the word “defenstrate.” And used it in a sentence with him as the object.

He wanted to know if you just throw somebody if that’s defenestrating. Nope. If you throw somebody *at* a window, is it defenestration? Nope.

“Please don’t throw me out of the window, Mommy.”

“I won’t babe. I would never do anything to hurt you, and defenestration might hurt. I would never do anything to scare you, and defenstration might scare you. I just really need you to know the word defenestration right now because I really, really, really thought about it a minute ago.”

“Oh. [beat.] Which window you thinkin’ bout, Mommy?”

Any of ’em, sweetie. All of ’em.

Want to hear a few more? Of course you do. All just from today…

Unsolicited, screeching, as I tried to distract by offering to read several new library stories, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I’m driving you nuts, Mommy!”

Throwing a fistful of toys in the air and yelling, “Rooooooar! I’m really not nice today!”

Clawing at my face, “Mommy I show you how that tree scratch me and then I go out and hit that tree!”

Oh my word, he’s making me earn every minute of child-free rest I’ve been promised this weekend. Virgin America, take me away. [I can’t put this post in the “shoot me now” category, which I reserve for godawful days, because then I wouldn’t get this, my first weekend away. So don’t shoot me now. Please.]

7 thoughts on “The defenestration of Berkeley

  1. “Which tree you thinkin’ about, Mommy?” Oh my god, that is hilarious! How can they be so wonderful and so awful in the same minute?

    Love this post.

  2. I hope you enjoy your rest time this weekend. It definitely sounds well-earned!

    And I sort of want to do this myself: “Throw[] a fistful of toys in the air and yell[], ‘Rooooooar! I’m really not nice today!’”

  3. Oh wow. A weekend away. I can only imagine how AMAZING it felt to leave the house and head to the airport.

    The rest is icing…

  4. One day you’ll laugh, just not then. Evan yells, “I’m driving you crazy, Mommy!” So I know the feeling. I hope you have a great weekend.

  5. a weekend away. a MF weekend away! woo hoo! i wish you the bestest 48 hours of non-parenthood possible. go, nappy, go!

    • get this, j…it’s 72 hours. Spouse took Monday off so I could actually decompress, not just get ready to relax then come back home.

      it is, I have to say, everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Pure heaven. Someone knight my host here in Seattle, ‘cuz she’s da bestest everest.

  6. Pingback: Aaaaaah. Three. | Naptime Writing

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