…is depressing. I avoid newspapers and television news because the world is a scary, depressing, soulless place of nasty, angry, people who seem full of nothing but hate. Today is one of the reasons why I beg people to keep their horror stories to themselves.
And today I’d like to declare to the people on my official “done me wrong” list, those half a dozen people who have really been horrible to me or my family, who have done things that simply can’t be forgiven: you’re totally safe. I am still angry with you. I hold grudges and make no apologies about that. But I guarantee you I won’t spiral out of control into a shooting rampage. I will not hurt you or anyone you know. I don’t forgive well; that’s my problem. You are a terrible human being; that’s your problem. I am content to coexist with you on this planet without causing you harm.
You hear that, girl from fourth grade who bullied me and humiliated me? Reprehensible animal who selfishly fled the police at over 106 mph and slammed into us? Terrible woman who, though you may not have known how condescending you were, in reality robbed me of what little safety I had at a vulnerable time? Disgusting colleague who lied and blocked the clearest path to success just because you’re scared about your own failings? Couple who lied and continue to lie and took with them our life savings? All of you? You’re safe. I will not do any of the things that are in the news today.
Because of all the terrible things that have happened to me (and in comparison to 99% of the people on this earth I have led a charmed life) most of the worst have come from forces nobody can control. Earthquake, fire, personal loss, and cancer are all something on which I can blame nobody. So the small potatoes in my life can go on rotting unmolested.
I’m sorry for all the families who lost someone today. For all the people who lost hope today. For all the damage the human race does, daily, to the universe and its grand, cosmic potential. Sorry the allegedly advanced apes are screwing everything up, universe. We’ll keep trying.
Beautiful post. I like the raw emotion of it all.
I believe in karma because I have to. I have to believe that those evil people will get what’s coming to them. That there is always a cosmic balance. But that horror visted on those families the other day is just to brutal to think about.
I’m sorry, too. And thank you for articulating all of this. Very powerful.